What Would Brian Boitano Do?
"What Would Brian Boitano Do?" is a song from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.
Background
The boys' mothers, as "Mothers Against Canada", are going to Canada to fight the American-Canadian War and execute Terrance and Phillip. The boys need to find a way to stop them. Stan ponders, "What would Brian Boitano do?"
The song references a line from The Spirit of Christmas, where the boys wonder what Brian Boitano would do to stop Jesus and Santa Claus from fighting. This clip is also used in the DVDA music video.
A faster rock version of "What Would Brian Boitano Do? Pt. II" is performed by the band DVDA during the end credits of the film.
Trivia
- The song's Les Misérables counterpart is "Do You Hear the People Sing?".
- Brian Boitano was seen before in "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride", and even earlier in The Spirit of Christmas: Jesus vs. Santa.
- Brian Boitano himself later skated to an altered version of the song and adapted the song's title as the title of a cookery show titled What Would Brian Boitano Make?.
- The speaking interlude with Brian Dennehy is a reference to The Spirit of Christmas - Jesus vs. Santa. In the original short, after Stan asks, "What would Brian Boitano do?", Brian Boitano appears and asks, "Did someone say my name?" He then gives the boys some advice, then says "Bye-e!" just like Dennehy before leaving.
- During the line " 'cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from anybody", Cartman does not sing until the word "from". This is in reference to the fact that Cartman cannot swear without being electrocuted.
- Additionally, this line deliberately breaks the song's rhyming scheme by ending with anybody instead of anyone.
Lyrics
Stan:
What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now,
He'd make a plan
And he'd follow through,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.
Kyle:
When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics,
Skating for the gold,
He did two salchows and a triple lutz
While wearing a blind fold.
Cartman:
When Brian Boitano was in the alps,
Fighting grizzly bears,
He used his magical fire breath,
And saved the maidens fair.
Stan and Kyle:
So what would Brian Boitano do
If he were here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.
Cartman:
I want this V-Chip out of me,
It has stunted my vocabulary.
Kyle:
And I just want my mom
To stop fighting everyone
Stan:
For Wendy I'll be an activist too,
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do.
All:
And what would Brian Boitano do?
He'd call all the kids in town,
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.
Brian Dennehy:
Someone say my name?
Stan:
Who are you?
Dennehy:
I'm Brian Dennehy!
Kyle:
What? No, Not fuckin' Brian Dennehy!
Stan:
Yeah, get the fuck outta here!
Dennehy:
Oh. Bye-e!
Stan and Kyle:
When Brian Boitano traveled through time
To the year 3010,
He fought the evil robot king
and saved the human race again
Cartman:
And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids,
He beat up Kublai Khan!
Stan and Kyle:
'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit...
All:
...from anybody!
So let's all get together,
And unite to stop our moms
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!