The Lonely Jew on Christmas

The Lonely Jew on Christmas
Album	Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
Written by	Trey Parker
Performed by	Matt Stone
Episode	"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo"
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December 2012 Featured Article Winner

"The Lonely Jew on Christmas" is a song performed by Kyle Broflovski in the Season One episode, "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo".

Background

Kyle feels left out on Christmas because his family celebrates Hanukkah and his friends inform him that Jews cannot eat Christmas snow. Additionally, no one believes him about Mr. Hankey's existence.

Lyrics

Kyle:
It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends won't let me join in any games
And I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph 'cause there is something wrong with me
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity!

I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
On Christmas.

Hanukkah is nice, but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year?
And instead of eating ham, I have to eat kosher latkes
Instead of Silent Night, I'm singing "Huhash Dogavish"
And what the fuck is up with lighting all these fucking candles? Tell me, please!

I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
I'd be merry
But I'm Hebrew
On Christmas.

Special Celebrity Guest:
Hey, little boy, I couldn't help but hear
You're feeling left out of Christmas cheer
But I've come to see that you shouldn't be sad
This is the one month that you should be glad.

Cause it's nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don't have to deal with the season at all
Don't have to be on your best behavior or give to charity
You don't have to go to grandma's house with your alcoholic family.

Kyle:
And I don't have to sit on some fake Santa's lap and have him breathe his stinky breath on me!

Special Celebrity Guest:
That's right. You're a Jew...

Kyle:
A stylin' Jew...

Together:
It's a good time... to be Hebrew
On Christmas!

Special Celebrity Guest:
On Christmas.

Trivia

• This song appears on the album, Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics. However, this version has an extended ending where a "Special Celebrity Guest" comes in after the second part to sing a verse to cheer up Kyle by telling him he does not have to do Christmas stuff.

International Lyrics

French lyrics

Translation

Comme c'est dur d'être juif à Noël Être un enfant du peuple d'Abraham Je peux pas chanter de cantique ou décorer un beau sapin Parce que j'suis pas comme les autres c'est ce que disent tous mes copains Mon peuple ne croit pas que Jésus Christ soit le Messie Je suis juif, et j'me sens seul... à Noël Hanoucca c'est bien oui mais pourquoi Le Père Noël ne vient jamais chez moi Pourquoi au lieu de jambon je dois manger de la carpe farcie Au lieu de douce nuit je dois chanter des trucs en Yiddish Et c'est quoi ce délire à la con avec ces putains de bougies Je suis juif, et j'me sens seul Je suis pas joyeux, je suis hébreux, à Noël

It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas Being a child of Abraham's people I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a beautiful tree Because I'm not like the others, that's what all my friends say My people don't believe that Jesus Christ is the Messiah I'm a Jew, so lonely, on Christmas Hanukkah is nice, but why is it That Santa never comes to my house And instead of eating ham, I have to eat gefilte fish Instead of Silent Night, I'm singing in Yiddish And what is this fucking crap with these fucking candles? I'm a Jew, so lonely I'm not happy, I'm Hebrew, on Christmas

German lyrics

Translation

Ein Jude hat es schwer zur Weihnacht. Die Freunde wollen nicht mal spiel'n mit mir. Ich sing keine Weihnachtslieder dekorier auch keinen Baum, Schreib auch keinen Brief an's Christkind kann nicht in die Krippe schau'n. Für meine Leute gibt es Christus nicht einmal im Traum. Ich bin Jude, einsamer Jude, zur Weihnacht. Hanukkah ist schön, doch warum nur Fliegt der Weihnachtsmann an mir vorbei? Und anstatt dem Weihnachtsschinken gibt es Koscheres für mich, Anstatt "Du Stille Nacht" sing ich nur "Hoo Hach To Gaveev". Verdammt, was sollen bloß die doofen Kerzen und das Licht? Ich bin Jude, einsamer Jude, Möcht gern feiern, genau wie du, zur Weihnacht.

Spanish (Latin America; 1st) lyrics

Translation

Es duro ser Judío en Pascuas Mis amigos no me dejan compartir No canto villancicos ni decoro el arbolito Ni doy agua a los venados porque soy judiíto ¡Mi gente no cree en Jesucristo ni en su divinidad! Soy Judio, muy Solito en Navidad. Hanukkah me gusta, pero ¿por qué? Santi Claus no para en casa ninguna vez En vez de un buen jamón, como bolas de pescado En vez de Noche de Paz, canto 'El Violinista en el Tejado' ¡Y porque coño prendemos tantas velas. Ay, por favor! Soy Judio, muy solito Infeliz por ser hebreo en Pascuas

Spanish (Latin America; 2nd) lyrics

Translation

Es difícil ser Judío en Navidad Mis amigos no me quieren en ninguna actividad No puedo cantar canciones navideñas ni decorar un árbol Ni dejarle agua a Rodolfo, porque algo anda mal conmigo ¡Mi gente no cree que Jesucristo es divino! Soy Judio solitario en Navidad. Hanukkah es agradable, pero ¿por qué? Santa Claus no va a mi casa ningún año Y en vez de comer jamón, como panques de papa Cosher En vez de Noche de Paz, canto 'Huhash Dogavish' ¡Díganme porque carajo es eso de encender todas esas velas! Soy un Judio solitario Estaría alegre pero soy hebreo en Navidad

Japanese lyrics	Translation
一人ぼっちのクリスマス 僕だけ仲開はずれ 歌の歌いず釣りもない トナカイも家にはよりはしない キリストの奇跡も起こらない 寂しいユダヤのクリスマス 唯一の楽しみはあるか？ プレゼントは奴隷で 春の代わりに食べるラトケス <..> 灯を〇ともし〇びは歌って 寂しいユダヤの サンタもケーキも クリスマス

Ukrainian lyrics	Translation
Так важко На Різдво єврея Мені не радять друзі аж ніяк Я ялинки не вбирав ти сильно Різдвяних не співав Напитись бо зі мною щось не так Близькі мої не вірять у божественність Христа Я Єврей, сумний єврей, на Різдво Ханука крута та навіщо Санчата Санти скачуть повз мій дім Замість Свята ніч співаю "Huhash Dogavish" <...> Я Єврей, сумний єврей Я бродил, та я іудей, з Різдво

Cantonese lyrics

Translation

我無得過聖誕節真是無癮 我啲Friend通通去玩，掉低我 我無得唱聖誕歌同埋佈置聖誕樹 究竟系個天玩我定系我慨錯？ 我屋企唔相信耶穌曾經系出過世 我好慘，我好很慘，無聖誕節 我無得過聖誕節真是無癮 聖誕老人年年都唔理我 每次得我一個人兼夾羨慕人開心 究竟系我投錯胎定系改壞名？ 我好想有個人可以解釋比我聽 我好慘，我好很慘 我會結婚，但唔生仔，無聖誕節

It's hard that I can't celebrate Christmas My friends are all playing, without me And I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree Have I been tricked or am I not seeing it right? My family doesn't believe in Jesus Christ's birth and death I'm miserable, very miserable, no Christmas It's hard that I can't celebrate Christmas Santa Claus ignores me every year I have to be alone every time, and envy others being happy Have I been wrongly reincarnated and got a bad name? I just want somebody to explain to me I'm miserable, very miserable I'll get married, but with no kids, and no Christmas

Mandarin Chinese lyrics

Translation

那冷冷寒風刺痛我臉龐 那紛紛大雪加深我傷悲 大家都在歡樂慶祝聖誕節我卻沒人理 沒有聖誕老公公駕雪橇來送我禮物 在我的世界沒有人相信主耶穌基督 佛教徒，沒人理會，寂寞聖誕 行憲紀念日是大節日 但對我來說卻沒有意義 而我不懂為何聖誕老人不愛佛教徒 在平安夜裡完全不理會我的孤獨 我只想大聲罵著髒話：“靠！誰能告訴我為什麼” 佛教徒，沒人理會 被人唾棄，我好孤單，寂寞聖誕

The cold wind makes my face swollen That thick snow only adds to my sadness Everyone's celebrating Christmas, but not me No Santa Claus on his sled to give me presents In my world, no one believes in Jesus Christ Buddhists, (we're) ignored, and no Christmas Constitution Day is a big holiday But it holds no meaning to me I don't know why Santa Claus hates Buddhists He won't see me when I'm lonely on a silent night I just want to swear out loud, "Fuck! Who would tell me why" Buddhists, (we're) ignored I've been despised, and have a lonely, lonely Christmas