If My Friends Could See Me Now

"If My Friends Could See Me Now" is a song from the musical Sweet Charity. It was featured in the Season One episode, "Weight Gain 4000".

Background

A young Kathie Lee Gifford sang the song in a talent competition during Herbert Garrison's flashback to his childhood. He lost the contest to Kathie Lee because of her performance complete with hand puppets and choreography.

Lyrics

Kathie Lee Gifford:
If they could see me now, that little gang of mine.
I'm eating fancy chow and drinking fancy wine.
I'd like those stumble bums to see for a fact
The kind of top-drawer first-rate chums I attract
All I can say is, "Wow-wee, look-a where I am."
Tonight I landed, Pow!, right in a pot of jam.
What a setup! Holy Cow!
They'd never believe it, if my friends could see me now!

International Lyrics

DEES-LAZH-TW

German lyrics	Translation
Könnten die Freunde mich hier auf der Bühne sehn, dann wär'n sie außer Rand und Band und das wär schön, Denn wie die Stadt bald tanzt das ist nicht normal Sing ich nur einen Ton, dann tanzt schon der Saal Ich hab ne Puppe hier, die lacht und spricht mit mir Die zweite kann das auch, sie spricht aus meinem Bauch Beide können mich verstehen, drum wünscht ich mir Die Freunde könnten mich hier sehn.

Spanish (Latin America; 2nd) lyrics	Translation
Si me pudieran ver, como he llegado aquí. Hoy como caviar y champagne de Paris. Mis compañeros no podrían creer que esto en mi vida pudo acontecer Sólo quiero gritar para que sepan ya, Que hay que disfrutar, ¡La vida nos lo da! Esto es sensacional, se lo aseguro. ¡Vengan todos a probar!	If you could see me now, see how I got here I'm eating caviar and champagne from Paris My colleagues couldn't believe that this could happen in my life I just want to shout so that they know now, That we have to enjoy it, when life gives it to us! This is sensational. I assure you! Come everyone and try it!

Mandarin Chinese lyrics	Translation
我有個小夢想 想游遍全世界 走遍南半球北半球南極北極 下雨的巴黎左岸喝起咖啡 再和那泰國人妖照張照片 我要坐噴射機 從地球到月亮 刷我的白金卡 買張划行機票 帶着那高額保障 去看看這世界到底有多奇妙	I have one little wish That is to travel the world Walk the Southern and Northern Hemispheres, South and North Poles Drink some coffee on the Rive Gauche of Paris in the rain Take some photos with that Thai ladyboy Take a jet aircraft Fly from the Earth to the Moon Swipe my Platinum card Buy a plane ticket with China Airlines Take a life insurance And see the wonders of the world

Trivia

• At the time of this episodes airing, the real Kathie Lee Gifford was the spokeswoman for Carnival Cruise ships and featured her singing this song in its advertisements.