Medicinal Fried Fiasco/Script
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"Medicinal Fried Fiasco/Script" is under construction. Some information may be missing.
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"Microaggression Academy/Script" | "Medicinal Fried Fiasco/Script" | "Operation: Just 'Cause/Script" | 
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Cast
Script
| Medicinal Fried Fiasco | |
| The New Kid is on their way to Medicinal Fried Chicken to get Classi's medication. While traveling past the main street's alley, they are ambushed by several Raisins girls | |
| You made a real mistake when you attacked us. | |
| Combat: Defeat the Raisins Girls | |
| When the New Kid defeats all the Raisins girls in battle, they will get back up, and call out a new enemy | |
| You picked a fight with the wrong bitches. | |
| You really think you're tough shit, don't you? Well, it's time for you to meet someone. Say hi, Rebecca. | |
| An oversized Raisins Girls appears | |
| [punches her fists] I'm gonna break you in half and stick you up my butt. | |
| Rebecca makes her first move, which nearly knocks out the New Kid. | |
| Someone's about to get stuffed someplace dark and smelly! | |
| You messed with the wrong Raisins, sugar. Get 'em, girls! | |
| Just then, Rebecca pulls out her phone and sees something horrible | |
| Oh my god, oh my god. | |
| What? | |
| A thousand people just disliked the picture of me in ballet class on Instagram! I'm totally getting trolled right now! | |
| The rest of the Raisins girls pull out their phones as well, only to find similar reactions on their own social media accounts | |
| What the f... Heather, why'd you tweet that I was going out with Eric Cartman?! | |
| I didn't! | |
| I'm totally getting trolled right now too! | |
| What the fuck?! What the fuck?! I just lost all my followers! | |
| I have to get to a computer! | |
| What the fuck?! What the fuck?! | |
| All the Raisins girls hurry off the alley. As the New Kid watches them leave, another superhero jumps in | |
| Hello, New Kid. Don't worry, I'm unfriending their Instagrams exponentially. They won't be back for a while. You gotta be careful playing superhero. You can make a lot of enemies. Some boys think girls don't make good superheroes. | |
| The next line is dependent on the New Kid's sex and gender chosen in The Talk | |
| (Cis boy) What do you think? You think girls are just as good a gamers as you boys? | |
| (Cis girl) I've known you were a girl since the day you moved here, New Kid. Why do you lead everyone to believe you're a boy? | |
| (Transgender/Other) But then, You know all about being excluded, don't you? Is that why your parents are hiding you? Because your gender doesn't fit in with the norm? | |
| Silence from the New Kid | |
| You like to remain mysterious, huh? Fine. Look, you've got problems, New Kid. Whatever you did last night got a lot of people's attention. Bad people. There's a crime boss who's been calling the shots here in South Park, and now that person is planning to run for office. Whatever you did last night scared him. I'm tracking everyone's Instagrams and Facebooks and will continue to cross-reference with Tumblr, while monitoring Twitter and LinkedIn. If you need information, just know you can rely on Call Girl. | |
| Call Girl jumps up a ladder and leaves the scene. The next line is dependent on the New Kid's sex as chosen in The Talk | |
| (Boy) Watch your back, handsome. | |
| (Girl) Watch your back, girlfriend. | |
| (Other) Watch your back, non-gendered kid. | |
| The New Kid continues their path to Medicinal Fried Chicken. Just as the New Kid approaches the store, a laser system is activated, warding off the New Kid. | |
| You are a minor approaching an area with controlled substances. Step away from the door or you will be terminated. | |
| Just then, Morgan Freeman will appear in ghost form and speaks to the New Kid. | |
| Too bad, New Kid. Minors aren't allowed in a place like that. Of course, you aren't just any minor... | |
| A car parked just to the left of the store opens its boot, revealing something inside. The New Kid proceeds to the car and finds a recipe for Cheesy Shrimparito. The New Kid is now tasked to find the ingredients to make the Cheesy Shrimparito. Once completed, the New Kid returns to the store and finds Morgan Freeman in ghost form, talking to them once more. | |
| Go on, don't be shy. | |
| The New Kid eats the Cheesy Shrimparito, activating Timefart Pause and using it to disable the store' laser system. Just before the New Kid enters the store, the Coon meets up with them | |
| Ah, New Kid! I see you've also come to assist in assuring Classi's cooperation. Please, after you. | |
| Both enters the store and finds a budtender behind the counter | |
| Uh, hello. We're picking up some medicine for a friend. | |
| Oh, is your friend looking for an energizing mental feeling or more of a full-body high? | |
| Uh, I don't know. | |
| I'll send over our expert budtender who can help you out. | |
| Todd enters the staff room. Then, Towelie appears out of the room and goes up the counter | |
| Hey! You wanna get high? Oh, hey Eric. | |
| Oh wow, Towelie! I thought you went to rehab. | |
| Yeah, I did, but now I'm back in South Park. Clean and sober almost a year. No drugs at all. And I tell you what, I don't miss it! | |
| And you work here in a pot store. | |
| Cannabis, Eric, and yeah, it's great! Now I get high, helping people cure their insomnia, back pain, migraines, and stress, naturally! Did you know that ancient Chinese gave cannabis to their infants for teething? | |
| Wow. | |
| I have an addictive personality, so I'm cool without it. And now, I got a kid with my lady, so, better to stay on the straight and narrow, you know? | |
| You have a kid, right. | |
| Turns out I had one the whole time! I was too high to realize. Now, I'm holding down a job and paying the rent. But I'm also doing good, helping people find the herbal remedies they need, to combat all the modern stresses of a job and TAXES and TRAFFIC and a WIFE breathing down my neck about the apartment and "Towelie! We got a leak!" "Why can't you fix it?!" "I'm not a plumber, bitch! I'm a towel, not a fucking plumber!" | |
| Ok, we're... we're here to pick up our friend's medicine. Her name is Classi. | |
| Oh, Classy. Classy with a Y with a clit hanging off it coming around and licking the shit out of the C? | |
| No no no no. It's uh... Classi with a dick hanging off the I that's fucking the L out of the A-S-S. | |
| Oh, that Classi. Sure, I got her order! [turns around to retrieve the medicine] Eh, she... see, she likes the Banana Kush for her back pain and some of the Platinum OG to... wait... what the fuck? Who put the Chillax Kush in with the OG Mellowbliss?! What the fuck, you retards?! People don't wanna mix their mellow with their chill! They'll get all fucked up! Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!! | |
| Hey hey, Towelie. It's cool, relax... | |
| No, it is not fucking cool! I'm trying to run a legitimate business here and my back hurts. I can't sleep, I got no appetite, this shitty town is so fucked up. We gotta buy all our product from fucking sixth graders! And who knows what the shit they're putting in it! And then to top it off I got a couple of little-dick-lickers coming into my store [bangs the table] telling me to fucking relax! Fuck you! You relax! You're a towel! | |
| Combat: Calm Towelie down! | |
| Budtenders, get in here! It's time to give these kids a fucking consultation! | |
| Special objective: Calm Towelie down! In the combat field, there are four combat grids with spilt products | |
| Be careful! There is product everywhere! | |
| During Towelie's turn | |
| You're gonna wish you were a towel! | |
| Need a light? | |
| Get lit. | |
| Flame on! | |
| A dab'll do you! | |
| You like that, you stupid towels? | |
| You guys are fun to hang out with. | |
| Good sesh, kid. Good burn. | |
| Stay the fuck away from the product, you hear me? | |
| And who stole my fucking sandwich out of the fridge last week? | |
| Wanna see something cool? Get me some hairspray and a lighter. | |
| I can do this all day. Because I'm a super-absorbent towel, motherfuckers! | |
| Our powers are useless against the towel. | |
| During the budtenders' turn | |
| You kids take your bad attitude somewhere else. | |
| This kinda stuff isn't in the employee manual. | |
| The customer is wrong, bitch! | |
| I like my job because I'm constantly learning new things! | |
| Jesus, I've seen pussies kick harder than that, Todd! Fuck! | |
| Dude, I don't work out a lot! | |
| Listen man, I don't mean to be a dick but when you mix the Chillax with the OG Mellowbliss, that's gonna set me off. | |
| Sorry guys, I was just a little bent out of shape. It's just a little fucked up that you ate my sandwich. | |
| Yeah, I'm sorry too, but it's cool to get this stuff out in the open. | |
| During the New Kid's turn | |
| Light it up, New Kid | |
| Hey! This is my live savings in weed here! | |
| When the budtenders are attacked | |
| This is not cool, bros! | |
| That's weird, I shouldn't even feel pain right now! | |
| Hey, take it out on the towel. | |
| Fuck, I need some pain management. | |
| I'm more of a lover than a fighter. | |
| I'm so over this. | |
| If Towelie is attacked | |
| Whoa, why are you hitting me, man? | |
| Feels good. | |
| If the budtenders suffer Burning status | |
| Shit! Open flame! | |
| If the budtenders suffer Confused status | |
| Whoa, I got a mind high going. | |
| When the first product has been lit | |
| Shit, now you're lightin' my stock on fire?! Sure smells nice though. God's air freshener. | |
| Burn another pile! | |
| When the second product has been lit | |
| Oh shit, quit burning the product! Gotta admit, it's some quality bud though. | |
| We gotta burn another! | |
| When the third product has been lit | |
| Oh man, ah hah. I was hoping you would burn that one too. Make it a real party atmosphere in here. | |
| L-light up that last pile! | |
| When the last product has been lit | |
| Now for my best attack! My best attack... my... hey guys. Oh... hey, how you been Eric? Ah, you're a cool guy, man. I'm psyched to see you, man. | |
| Towelie has finally calmed down, and the New Kid is victorious. Towelie now hands over the medicine to the Coon | |
| Ay, this is for Classi. I threw in a coupl of hash nuggets and some Granddaddy Purple Shatter on the house. Come by anytime for a hookup. | |
| The New Kid and the Coon leaves the store. | |
| Well done, New Kid. Now get that over to Classi. | |
| End of Medicinal Fried Fiasco | |