Help, My Teenager Hates Me!

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"Back To The Cold War"

"Help, My Teenager Hates Me!"

"Credigree Weed St. Patrick's Day Special"

"Help, My Teenager Hates Me!"
Episode no.	Season 25 Episode 05
Production no.	2505
Original airdate	March 9, 2022
Episode chronology Previous Next "Back To The Cold War" "Credigree Weed St. Patrick's Day Special"
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"Help, My Teenager Hates Me!" is the fifth episode of Season Twenty-Five, and the 314th overall episode of South Park. It aired on March 9, 2022.

Synopsis

The boys find out that the joys of playing Airsoft come with the challenges of dealing with teenagers.

Plot

Spoiler warning! Plot details follow.

At the Broflovski Residence, Gerald Broflovski is working on studies in his office when Kyle rushes in asking for his permission to get Airsoft weapons to play with his friends, explaining quickly that they are like real weapons but "actually totally safe" and that they cannot let his mother know about them. Gerald drives him to the South Park Airsoft Armory and questions if Kyle really wants to spend his allowance this way and he agrees, but Gerald is surprised by the variety of weaponry available and questions the safety involved. The proprietor explains the weapons are safe, but not the players themselves. At the Blinky's Airsoft range, several teenagers stand around bored, insisting to the safety instructor they know the rules and responding "bruh" in disbelief to everything. When the boys, as Team Floppy Weiner, arrive to play against the teenagers, they express frustration with the prospect of playing against small children, worried it will be too easy. The instructor therefore pairs each boy with a teenager as partners, placed on both teams. The boys work well with their teenagers and have a blast playing Airsoft nonetheless and walk home agreeing how much fun they had and discussing how, as long as their teenagers are happy, they can keep playing all the time, and are eager to spend time with them, with Kyle mentioning his teenager offered to teach him how to clean his gun.

That night at the Broflovski Residence, Kyle applies some beauty cover to where he had taken a BB right to the face. Gerald checks in on how Airsoft is going and Kyle is excited to keep playing, but runs off when he hears the door ringing. Sheila Broflovski questions why he is wearing makeup, and Gerald claims he is 'experimenting'. Kyle answers the door to see his teenager, Trevor, being dropped off by his mother, who wishes him luck in dealing with it and declaring she will relax. Trevor, still wearing his Airsoft gear, sits on the couch and watches television, and instead of cleaning their weapons, he asks Kyle to cook for him and then tells him to leave him alone. Stan encounters similar difficulty when his teenager calls up asking him how to cook ramen, and becoming frustrated when Stan tries to offer advice. At the Coney Island Hotdog, Cartman is watching Airsoft videos when his teenager arrives and insists on using the bathroom. Kyle visits the McCormick Residence and finds Kenny experiencing similar problems with his teenager.

The next day, Stan and Kenny are playing Airsoft with their teenagers at the range. Stan and his teenager try to kill Kenny for points, but receive a penalty for shooting Kenny within ten feet. His teenager is upset but Stan assures him it is "just a gay rule" so they can keep playing. Stan calls Kyle to find out where he is, but he is at a grocery store with his teenager Trevor buying hair gel, though Trevor is not cooperative. He promises to be at the range soon, then runs into Cartman, who is also there shopping with his teenager, who needs lotion, and according to Cartman, spends most of his time in the bathroom using lotion. Stan, in the middle of the night, receives an unexpected call from his teenager declaring that he is not gay, insisting Stan called him gay earlier when discussing the rules. Stan reassures him he did not mean so, referencing his support for Sparky, but his teenager only becomes angrier and begins explaining he is burning his hand with a lighter. The next morning at Denny's, the boys all get coffee and vent about their recent problems. Cartman complains his teenager does nothing but talk about life and hide in the bathroom and Kyle complains his has threatened to kill him. Determined to not give up on Airsoft, Kyle shares a book called Help! My Teenager Hates Me! which suggests they go camping as a bonding experience, but the teenagers remain bored and complain, with Cartman's again taking to using a bathroom with lotion.

Gerald notices Kyle sitting in bed with his Airsoft gun, upset, and asks him why he is not at the range with the guys as planned. Kyle admits they just cannot deal with teenagers and all he wanted to do was have fun and shoot his friends. Gerald comforts him and suggests they ask to play without teenagers, but the field does not allow it as they cannot be gotten rid of and the kids would not have partners. Gerald suggests they play with their dads, bringing Randy Marsh and Stuart McCormick to the Airsoft store to buy weapons and reassuring their worries about safety. The clerk warns them it is foolhardy to fight off the teenagers, but Gerald takes out a platinum credit card and buys one of every item they carry. Cartman, Stan and Kenny at the field, complaining to the other teenagers they pushed Kyle to quit and that things have to change or improve. The kids and teenagers agree to play against one another, with the loser having to stay out of the winners' lives forever. When the teenagers question how they will win, Kyle arrives with the dads, decked out in Airsoft gear, and who have brought along an intimidating and heavily armed Jimbo Kern to partner with Cartman. The boys and dads do well against their opponents, with Cartman finding his former teenager in the bathroom again and defeating him there, while Randy uses some marijuana from Tegridy Farms to distract and take out five teenagers at once.

After the winning, the boys walk home with their dads and talk about how they would not expect to see the teenagers again, with Stuart observed breaking their guns in frustration. The boys are grateful for the dads' help, and the dads are happy to have spent time with them. Jimbo, hungry, asks where they can get a hot dog and Cartman invites the boys into the Coney Island Hotdog to make food. Waiting outside, Randy raises his weapon and suggests taking them out while they are still children, before they can become teenagers, but Gerald points out they still have time before they turn into monsters.

Continuity

• Cartman still lives in the Coney Island Hotdog house that was previously seen in "City People".
• Stan explains that he was the first person to say it was OK to be gay. This occurred in "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride" where Stan accepted his dog's homosexuality.
• Randy uses a jar of his Vaccination Special weed to lure out the teenagers, which he created in the eponymous episode "South ParQ Vaccination Special".