Birth of a Coon Friend/Script
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"The Chains of Super Craig/Script" | "Birth of a Coon Friend/Script" | "Rise of the Fourthies/Script" | 
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Cast
Script
| Birth of a Coon Friend | |
| Upon completion of Alternate Universes Collide and The Chains of Super Craig, the New Kid receives a call from the Coon. | |
| [via video communication] Not bad, New Kid, not bad. Way to go out and get some followers on Coonstagram. I think you're ready for the next level. Head back to the Coon Lair. Coon out. | |
| The New Kid enters the Coon Lair and finds the Coon waiting | |
| Ah, there you are, Butthole. [walks towards the New Kid] Being a superhero is a little harder than you thought, huh? It's OK! You totally suck, but I can't help but feel sorry for you, because your dad fucked your mom when you were a child. Come this way. [leads the New Kid to a small red box] I'm gonna teach you about Artifacts. You see, most superheroes augment their abilities with specialized equipment. [opens the box and takes out a fidget spinner, known as the "Junior Conn Friend Gyro"] You see this? It's a strength Artifact. [gives it a spin and imitates its sound] Whewwewwewee... You'll find things like these all over town. The trick is to equip them into your Artifact Slots. Go on, give it a shot. | |
| The New Kid opens a new Artifacts app. | |
| Every Artifact has a specific place it can be slotted on your body. Equip this one to boost your strength stats. | |
| The New Kid equips the Artifact which grants them 15 might and a boost to their stats | |
| It might be a little uncomfortable at first. Your DNA is fusing with it, wheewwewewhehehe... [The Artifacts is now closed] You'll find more Artifacts out there during your superhero adventures. And you can even craft your own. Just remember, with great power, comes great chicks and money. I think you're ready to take on those sixth graders now. Go give 'em hell, ButtLord. | |
| End of Birth of a Coon Friend | |