Swiss Colony Beef Log
"Swiss Colony Beef Log" is a song by Eric Cartman on the Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics album.
Background
The song is referencing a real product manufactured by the Swiss Colony brand.[1]
Lyrics
Stockings are hung on the chimney
And the presents are under the tree.
And mama's in the kitchen
Making some... herbal tea.
Windows are covered with frost
And the candles are all alight.
But as I wander through this quiet house
Something just doesn't seem right.
You see, every year the neighbors bring us
A Swiss Colony Beef Log.
But the neighbors aren't around (Around, around)
There's no Beef Log to be found.
This year...
No Beef Log.
Christmas, isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log.
Without those cheeses and meat
I don't think I can get along.
Mother tries to comfort me
She says:
"Here son, have some eggnog."
But I fucking hate eggnog seriously.
What do I see?
Underneath the tree?
Grandma got a Swiss Colony Beef Log
Just for me! Aaah, aaaaah, aaaaaah, grandma!
Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby
That's what Christmas is all about!
A roly-poly Colony Beef Log, lady
Makes a little boy scream and shout!
Deck the halls with boughs of Swiss Colony!
Fa-la-la-la-la, laa-laa-laa-laaaa!.. sweet.