South Park: The End of Obesity/Script
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"South Park (Not Suitable For Children)/Script" | "South Park: The End of Obesity/Script" | - | 
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Cast
- Eric Cartman
- Kyle Broflovski
- Butters Stotch
- Randy Marsh
- Stan Marsh
- Kenny McCormick
- Sharon Marsh
- Wendy Testaburger
- Alexis Testaburger
- Linda Stotch
- Sheila Broflovski
- Shelley Marsh
- Towelie
- Mrs. Tweak
- Laura Tucker
- Linda Black
- Bebe Stevens
- Tom Thompson
- Bill Keegan
- Liane Cartman
Script
| South Park: The End of Obesity | |
| Shot at South Park Medical Clinic is shown. Cartman is getting his blood pressure checked by the Doctor. | |
| Ow. Ow! Ah, God! | |
| I’m just taking your blood pressure, Eric. | |
| It’s too tight. Stop! [The Doctor then takes off the Blood Pressure cuff] | |
| Ms. Cartman, I’m extremely worried about your son’s health. His blood pressure, his cholesterol. I think it’s time for some drastic measures to bring down his weight. | |
| [Cartman gets upset] Oh, God, here we go with this shit again. | |
| Doctor, we try to have Eric eat right and exercise, but it just doesn’t seem to work for him. | |
| Well, there might be another answer. Have you heard of semaglutides? | |
| [Looks at his mom confused] Semaglutides? | |
| They’re the active ingredient in Ozempic, a drug originally made for people with diabetes but we’ve now discovered they can help obese people lose vast amounts of weight. | |
| Really? | |
| It's a whole new era of medicine. A miracle, really. [Walks towards Cartman Young man, how would you like to not be fat anymore? | |
| Not be fat anymore? Me? Not fat anymore? | |
| South Park Elementary [Eric's fantasy] | |
| Hey, guys! How’s it going? Good to see you guys! | |
| Hey, Wendy, you wanna know something? | |
| What? | |
| You’re a dumb bitch! | |
| Oh yeah? | |
| Yeah, you’re a dumb bitch and you got saggy tits! | |
| Oh yeah, Cartman? Well, you’re a… You’re a… Ugh! | |
| Haha, haha! Sweet! | |
| Encounters Kyle on the hallwayOh hey! Hey, Kyle! Kyle, guess what. You’re a totally ugly ginger and your religion is fucking bullshit. | |
| Oh yeah? Well, you’re a… You’re a… Damn it! | |
| Hahaha! Yeah! Awesome! | |
| Pakistan [Eric's fantasy] | |
| Hey, hello there, Pakistan! Your whole country is fucking dumb and it smells like ass. ‘Kay, Pakistan? Why don’t you get your shit together? | |
| Boo! | |
| Oh yeah? Well you are a normal person! | |
| You are… Very average looking! | |
| Fuck yeah, dawg! This is fucking nice! | |
| South Park Medical Clinic [End of Eric’s fantasy] | |
| Wow, could this really happen? Doctor, is it really true I could not be fat? | |
| It’s really true, young man. | |
| How much do these new drugs cost? | |
| Well, they aren’t cheap. It’s about twelve hundred dollars a month. | |
| Oh, I don’t know if we can afford that. | |
| Oh, alright. Welp, nevermind, Eric. Have a good day. | |
| Nevermind? You can’t just tell me there’s a new miracle drug that will make me not fat anymore and then say fucking nevermind! | |
| Insurance companies only cover the medication for diabetes, not for weight loss. So if you can’t afford them, you’re just kind of out of luck.” | |
| Doctor, please! I’ve been fat my whole life. I hate how I look. Please. There has to be something you can do. | |
| Alright. I’m gonna write you a prescription for Lizzo.” | |
| Lizzo? | |
| She’s a really good singer who talks about body positivity and just being happy with the way you look. I want you to listen to Lizzo five times a day and watch her videos just before bedtime. Oh, and I’m afraid you’ll have to be on Lizzo for the rest of your life. | |
| No! Lizzo, no! | |
| Shot at Tegridy Farms | |
| Woah, woah, woah. Where are you going? | |
| I’m going to school. | |
| Not looking like that you aren’t. | |
| Not looking like what? | |
| We’ve talked about this, Shelly. You don’t go to school wearing shirts that show off your body like that. | |
| All the girls at school dress like this, dad! Mom already said it’s okay. | |
| What? | |
| It’s really just the fashion now, Randy. | |
| I don’t care if it’s the fashion! I don’t want my innocent little daughter going to school dressed like a cum whore! Go put on a different shirt. | |
| No! I don’t have to. My body is not a distraction. It’s perfect and you can’t tell me what to do. | |
| You’re gonna get stared at all day. Little boys are perverts. | |
| Mom already said I could wear it! | |
| Mom already said I could wear it!” mockingly | |
| You’re stupid! The school says girls can wear shirts like this, so I can do what I want! | |
| Okay, so maybe then I’ll wear whatever I want to school to come pick you up later! | |
| Go ahead! | |
| Ugh! | |
| She’s gonna be fine, Randy. She’s just growing up. | |
| Oh, she’s gonna be fine. Okay. Mark my words. If you walk around wearing a shirt that exposes your belly, you end up with a bad bunch of people doing a bunch of drugs. You'll see. | |
| Shot at the outside of Tweek Bros | |
| Randy was really upset but I don’t know. I don’t see what the big deal is. Do you let Wendy wear crop tops to school? | |
| Yeah, sometimes. I think it’s fine when girls wear ‘em. What I can’t stand is all the middle aged moms wearing them now because they’re on ozempic. | |
| Who’s on ozempic? | |
| Oh! Butters’s mom, Craig’s mom. A bunch of women use it to lose that last five pounds and show off their stomachs. | |
| Oh, hey, guys. How’s it going? Just getting some coffee. | |
| Oh, hi, Linda. You’re… Uh… Looking good.
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| End of South Park: The End of Obesity | |