South Park: Joining the Panderverse/Script

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"South Park: The Streaming Wars Part 2/Script"

"South Park: Joining the Panderverse/Script"

"South Park (Not Suitable For Children)/Script"

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Cast

• Eric Cartman
• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski
• Kenny McCormick
• Butters Stotch
• Eric Cartman (Universe 216-B)
• Stan Marsh (Universe 216-B)
• Kyle Broflovski (Universe 216-B)
• Kenny McCormick (Universe 216-B)
• Butters Stotch (Universe 216-B)
• Craig Tucker
• Liane Cartman
• Randy Marsh
• Sharon Marsh
• Shelley Marsh
• Stephen Stotch
• Gerald Broflovski
• Sheila Broflovski
• Steve Black
• PC Principal
• Tom (Newsman)
• Chris Martins
• Dr. Kronberg
• Handyman Cleetus
• Mr. Fix-It Ted
• Bob Iger
• Kathleen Kennedy
• City Woke Waiter
• Herbert Garrison (Universe 216-B)
• Harrison Yates (Universe 216-B)
• Mitch Murphy (Universe 216-B)
• Jimbo Kern (Universe 216-B)
• Ned Gerblanski (Universe 216-B)

Script

South Park: Joining the Panderverse
	The episode starts in Universe 216-B at the Cartman Residence. We see the Eric Cartman sitting down at the kitchen looking down at the table, instead in this universe he is portrayed by an African-American woman. Shortly after Liane Cartman walks into the room.
Liane	Are you still here? You need to get going.
Cartman (216-B)	I can't get going. I told you I don't feel well.
Liane	What's the matter now?
Cartman (216-B)	Oh, nothing, I just had explosive fucking diarrhea all night because you decided to get us KFC for dinner.
Liane	You have KFC all the time.
Cartman (216-B)	Yeah, and I have diarrhea all the time!
Liane	You're not staying home all day and playing Baldur's Gate 3. Now let's go.
Cartman (216-B)	Ugh!
	Cartman leaves the house to get ready for school, Liane briefly follows but stops at the door.
Liane	Have a good day at school, sweetie.
Cartman (216-B)	Fuck you, Mom!
	At the bus stop Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh, and Kenny McCormick are waiting for the bus, each of them being portrayed by a diverse woman and are each in unique poses. Cartman only just now arrives.
Cartman (216-B)	This is bullshit. How do you get your mom arrested for child abuse?
Kyle (216-B)	She wouldn't let you stay home and play Baldur's Gate 3, huh, fat ass?
Cartman (216-B)	Who you callin' fat, you heathen bitch?
Stan (216-B)	Dude, you don't wanna miss school today. Clyde said he's gonna fart on Tammy Mullins during P.E.
Kenny (216-B)	Tammy Mullins has sweet fucking knockers.
Kyle (216-B)	Dude, Kenny, enough about Tammy's knockers! You sound like a white male trying to re-establish the patriarchy.
	We return back to the regular universe of South Park, where we find out this was all simply a dream from the perspective of Eric Cartman, who is screaming in his bed due to the dream. Liane bursts through the door, turns on the lights, and runs over to comfort Cartman.
Liane	Eric, it's okay. It's okay.
Cartman	Mom! Mom! I had a dream that... I was replaced by a diverse woman!
Liane	Oh, not again.
Cartman	Yeah, only this time, it wasn't just me. They were taking all my favorite people and replacing them with diverse women complaining about the patriarchy. Will you check under the bed and make sure there's no Disney executives under there?
Liane	I promise there's not.
Cartman	I'm scared, Mom! Will you please just look and make sure Kathleen Kennedy isn't under my bed?
	Liane at the side of Cartman's bed, checks to see if Kathleen Kennedy is under it per Cartman's request. After reassuring Cartman that Kathleen is not under his bed, she stands up.
Liane	Kathleen Kennedy is not under your bed.
Cartman	Can you check the closet?
Liane	Eric, enough. I've told you there's no such thing as Disney executives who replace everyone you love with diverse women who complain about the patriarchy. Now be a big boy.
	Liane turns off the lights, and closes the door, leaving Cartman with his thoughts as to what just happened.
Cartman	It's-it's not real.
Cartman	It's... it's not real.
	Stan Marsh is sleeping in his bed at Tegridy Farms. His dad Randy urgently barges in.
Randy	Get up!
Randy	Come on, Stan, get up. Let's go.
Stan	What, Dad?
Randy	Downstairs. Let's go. I'm sick of this shit.
Stan	Okay.
	Randy is waiting in the kitchen, Stan walks in with Shelley not far behind.
Randy	It has come to my attention lately that young people today don't know how to do shit. You got your phones and your AI and you kids haven't learned to be able to actually do anything. So we're going to take this morning to learn how to fix something.
	Randy rolls up his sleeves, and proceeds to continuously move the oven door revealing that it is broken. The oven door also appears to be tilted sideways, and whenever it is moved sounds of screeching metal are heard.
Randy	You see this? See this? The oven door isn't working. It's falling off the hinges. So what do we do? Shelley?
Shelley	I don't know.
Randy	It's very simple. You gotta make the hinges tighter so the oven door's more secure. So what you do is...
	Randy reaches his hand towards his pocket, and as he takes out his phone he points towards it.
Randy	you take out your phone and you call the handyman.
	Randy adjusts his wrist in a way which lets Stan and Shelley view the screen of the phone. On the phone is a menu with caller information of the handyman, which Randy uses to the call him.
Handyman Cleetus	Hello?
Randy	Hello. It's Randy Marsh. My oven door is not working. Please come fix it.
	Randy hangs up the phone. Throughout this he is looking towards the direction of both Stan and Shelley.
Randy	Now we rest until the handyman comes.
	We see the handyman's vehicle outside of Tegridy Farms with "BUDGET HANDIMAN" being written on the left side. In the kitchen, the handyman is bent down to align himself with the oven door, seemingly fixing it.
Randy	Are you following this at all, guys?
Randy	Is this seeping in?
Handyman Cleetus	Nope. No, it looks like the screws are totally stripped.
Randy	What does that mean? What's wrong?
Handyman Cleetus	Can't get 'er fixed right now, I gotta get some different washers at the Home Depot.
Randy	Okay, do that.
Handyman Cleetus	I gotta get over to Stephen Stotch's house and install his closet shelves.
	Randy directs his tone towards Stan and Shelley, adjusting the level of his voice to make sure the handyman cannot hear him.
Randy	Okay, see, kids, this happens sometimes but handymen don't make a lot of money, so here's what you do.
	Randy takes a few steps forward, and directs his tone back towards the handyman.
Randy	Oh, okay, I will pay you an extra 30 bucks if you fix my oven now.
Handyman Cleetus	Yeah, sorry, but Stotch already gave me an extra 50 bucks.
Randy	I will pay you an extra 55 bucks.
	Sharon walks towards the entrance of the kitchen, holding a basket of laundry.
Sharon	Randy, did you fix the oven door yet?
Randy	I'm working on it!
Randy	Look, please. Whatever you want. I'll throw in a six-pack of beer and you can get drunk.
Handyman Cleetus	I don't need your trivial little perks anymore, Marsh. I got work comin' out my ears. It's like... I don't know, it's like nobody knows how to do shit anymore.
Randy	You're-- You're just gonna leave? I'll pay a different handyman.
Handyman Cleetus	Yeah, go for it, buddy, I got so much money I don't care.
	The handyman walks out, presumably to go to install closet shelves for Steven Stotch.
Randy	What the hell is going on?
	Cartman is now having an appointment with Dr. Kronberg, a therapist in South Park.
Dr. Kronberg	All right, just try to relax. Take a deep breath. Now tell me exactly what it is you're afraid of.
Cartman	I keep having the same dream. Everywhere I look, people are being replaced.
Dr. Kronberg	Okay. And who do you think is going to have you replaced?
Cartman	Them. The puppet masters. The last time I had the dream, I was, I was walking down the school hallway...
	Cartman then begins to explain his dream to the therapist.
Cartman	And then I see Butters and he's like...
Cartman	"Hey, Eric! You wanna see what my mom packed me for lunch?"
Cartman	And that's when I start to notice that something's wrong. Everyone I cared about has been systematically replaced. And finally I want to scream and I'm like...
Cartman	"Why are they replacing every single character with someone who is diverse?"
Cartman	- But then Kenny's like...
Cartman	"It's not our fault, it's 'cause of Kathleen Kennedy."
Cartman	But then Kathleen Kennedy's just like...
Panderverse Kathleen Kennedy	Fuck it! Make it more lame.
Cartman	And everyone in town is like,
Cartman	"No, please, Kathleen Kennedy, stop ruining everything."
Cartman	But Kathleen Kennedy is all like...
Panderverse Kathleen Kennedy	Put another gay diverse woman in it. Make it more fucking lame.
Cartman	And Disney stock just keeps going down and down and down! And then Bob Iger is all like...
Cartman	"No! No! What's going on with my stocks? No, Kathleen Kennedy!"
	Cartman jolts out of the chair he was lying down in, screaming. After taking note of his surroundings with a nervous face he stops screaming.
Cartman	Oh. It happened again, didn't it?
Dr. Kronberg	Okay, Eric, I think I know what's going on here. Your fears aren't about Disney replacing everything you love. What everyone is afraid of these days is being replaced by AI.
Cartman	AI?
Dr. Kronberg	But you don't need to worry, Eric. As long as you work hard and stay in school, you can make something of yourself. Become an elite worker like I did that AI can't replace.
Cartman	You're a therapist and the best thing you have to tell me is "stay in school"?
Dr. Kronberg	You're in control of your future, Eric. You just need to ask yourself, "Who will be the people still making money in the AI-driven future?"
	An electrical outlit behind the therapist begins to crackle, a desk lamp being powered by a plug connected to the outlet turns off. The outlet appears to have been broken.
Dr. Kronberg	What the-- What the fuck?
	The handyman's vehicle is now outside of the building "DR. KRONBERG - CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST", the handyman is inside working on the outlet.
Dr. Kronberg	Could you hurry it up, please? I kind of need to get back to work.
Handyman Cleetus	Yep, well, looks like you got a short in the outlet there. I'd have to get a new outlet at Home Depot. I can probably come change it on the 28th.
Dr. Kronberg	28th? No, no, no, look. I'll give a hundred bucks to get this done today.
Handyman Cleetus	I already got a feller giving me thousands to fix his toilet this afternoon.
Dr. Kronberg	I can't afford that. Free therapy sessions. How about we trade? You do the handiwork for me. And I'll give you five free therapy sessions!
Handyman Cleetus	Oh, no, thanks. I do all my therapy on the AI Freudbot app.
	The handyman leaves the room, shutting the door soon after, the therapist is in shock taking in the advise he told Eric. We then cut to the South Park Breaking News
Announcer	This is South Park Breaking News.
Tom (Newsman)	Shocking developments in the country today, it appears that nobody knows how to do shit anymore. Our own Chris Martins is live on the scene.
	The news report cuts to Chris Martins, standing in the middle of his bathroom.
Chris Martins	Tom, I'm standing in my bathroom where the new tile for my shower has yet to be installed.
	Chris begins to walk to the back of the room to inspect the wall tiles, on his way there he adjusts his footing to he can get to the back of his tub.
Chris Martins	As you can see, the tile has started to peel off in places. Now the handyman was supposed to come days ago to fix it but he claims to have better offers from other white-collar workers like me whose practical know-how has atrophied. It appears we've all screwed ourselves by relying on technology and AI.
	Back at Tegridy Farms, Randy is sitting on the couch in the living room, he is using the Siri feature on his phone.
Randy	Hey, Siri, how do you fix a broken oven door?
Siri	Here's what I found from reference.com. "Undo any screws that hold the hinges in position, pull the door upward and then outwards to detach hinges from the oven. Insert the new hinge into the hinge holes and secure the hinges with screws."
Randy	Hey, Siri, okay, can you do that for me?
Siri	Can I do what for you?
Randy	Can you fix my oven door for me? It's broken.
Siri	I cannot do that because I do not have arms. You will need to call a handyman.
Randy	The handyman isn't available. He's all, like, rich now and I fucking rely on him to keep everything working here!
Siri	I am unable to fix an oven door.
Randy	Oh, well, hey, Siri, I thought AI was supposed to be this amazing scary advancement that could, like, do anything.
	Sharon is looking into the living room from the kitchen, she then begins to talk to Randy before being cut off.
Sharon	Hey, Randy, the oven door in the kitchen still isn't--
Randy	I am working on it!
	Sharon storms off angrily into the kitchen, leaving Randy alone again with his phone.
Randy	Hey, Siri, all the handymen are rich and I can't afford them anymore so what do I do?
Siri	Perhaps you could find an unlicensed worker who does small day jobs for cash.
Randy	You mean like those broke-ass illegal immigrants down at Home Depot? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said it that way. Hey, Siri, you mean like those broke-ass illegal immigrants down at Home Depot?
Siri	Yes. There are often people sitting out front of Home Depot waiting to be hired for work.
Randy	Yeah. Those guys!
	At South Park Elementary, Kenny is at his locker when Stan and Kyle walk up to him.
Kyle	Hey, Kenny, can we talk to you?
Kenny	Sure, guys, what's up?
Stan	Well, Clyde says that you told Tammy Mullins he was gonna fart on her in P.E. so she didn't show up.
Kenny	Yeah, I might have told her.
Kyle	Well, Kenny, everyone was really looking forward to that. Why did you ruin it?
Kenny	I told you guys I think Tammy Mullins has sweet fucking knockers.
	Cartman dashes through the hallway looking for Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.
Cartman	You guys! You guys! Something super crazy is happening, you guys.
Kyle	You went on a diet?
Cartman	This is serious, Kyle! At first they were just dreams, but now I feel like I'm actually changing. Why would I be having visions that I'm a diverse woman?
Kyle	Because you're a fat, racist piece of shit.
Cartman	Goddamn it, I'm not fat. I'm just shamed for my body in a world where white men decide what's beautiful.
	After receding this, Cartman quickly releases a brief gasp.
Cartman	What the fuck was that?! Why would I say that? I don't say that. You see?!
	Cartman then shifts his tone to focus around the entire hallway.
Cartman	This is happening to all of us, you guys. You might think everything is okay. But Disney... is gonna get ya.
	As Cartman says this, he pinches Clyde Donovan who is standing in front of him.
Cartman	Kathleen Kennedy's gonna get ya.
	Cartman then walks over to Red McArthur and pinches her to. Afterwards he goes over next to Butters Stotch.
Cartman	Disney and Kathleen Kennedy are gonna get ya!
	As Cartman pinches Butters, he screams briefly, constantly attempting to cover over the area with his hands. Cartman then moves forwards, more towards the middle of the hall.
Cartman	I don't think that what I'm experiencing are dreams. I think that what I'm seeing are windows...
Kyle	Yeah, okay, I'm out.
	Stan, Kyle, and Kenny turn around and start walking away from Cartman.
Cartman	It's true, Kyle, there could be other universes with other versions of--
Kyle	Everyone's sick of the stupid multiverse, Cartman.
Cartman	It's not stupid, it's totally possible and if you can't--
	Cartman is suddenly being held in a small blue spherical container, which is levitating off the ground. While Cartman is speaking his voice appears to be muffled.
Cartman	Kyle? Kyle?
Kyle	I swear, the multiverse is just an excuse for lazy writing.
Cartman	Whoa. Kyle!
Stan	Yeah, it's like every damn movie now.
Cartman	Kyle, what is this?
	Cartman tries to punch at the container, only for nothing to occur from it. The container is slowly rising during this.
Butters	Uh, you might wanna listen to him, Kyle!
	A portal opens up on the ceiling, the container drastically speeds up into the portal.
Cartman	Kyle, you gotta help me! Help me, Kyle!
	The capsule is submerged into the portal with Cartman in it. The portal then closes, with the screams of Cartman fading away. Everyone in the hall is left shocked at what just happened. Not too long after though, they continue on into their own conversations. After this, Randy arrives to the Home Depot. At the sign mounted to the ground, there are a group of people surrounding it looking for work. Some of these people include Gerald Broflovski, Steve Black, and Stephen Stotch.
Randy	Hey! Hey, I need a worker!
	The group walks closer to Randy's vehicle, and they become clamoring. "Is that a handyman?", "There's one!", "Hey, you wanna trade?" a handful of them ask.
Randy	What the fuck?
Gerald	Randy! You know how to do stuff, right? I gotta get the radiant heat installed in my house and I'm offering free legal advice in exchange.
Chris Martins	You need a reporter? I'll report the news to you if you fix my shower tile!
Unnamed Man #1	How about a computer programmer? I can do coding!
Unnamed Man #2	Insurance broker? Insurance broker?
Randy	What the hell are you guys doing here?
Steve	We're trying to get a handyman to do stuff for us.
Gerald	You know how to install radiant heat or not?
Randy	No, I need some broke-ass immigrants to fix my oven door.
	The group collectively groans, one of the people stating "Dang it."
Benny	Hey! Here comes a different handyman!
	A handyman arrives in a vehicle with "HANDYMAN REPAIR SERVICES" being written on the left side. He stops his vehicle to the left of Randy.
Unnamed Handyman	Hey, anyone wanna make a bunch of money? I need four workers who know how to use a power saw.
Gerald	I'll do lawyer work if you install my radiant heat!
Unnamed Man #3	I've got skills in human resources. Let's work something out!
Unnamed Handyman	No, I need guys that know how to work a power saw.
	After a brief amount of time, no one answers the handyman.
Unnamed Handyman	None of you know how to work a power saw? Jesus Christ.
	The handyman drives off disappointed.
Randy	What universe is this?
	At South Park Elementary in Universe 216-B, Kenny is at her locker when Stan and Kyle walk up to her.
Stan (216-B)	Yo, Kenny, we gotta ask you something.
Kyle (216-B)	Are you, like, in love with Tammy Mullins?
Kenny (216-B)	I'm not in love with her, I just like her knockers.
Stan (216-B)	Okay, well, why would you protect someone from getting farted on unless there were some real feelings there?
Kenny (216-B)	Dude, I said I was sorry, okay?
	Cartman dashes through the hallway looking for Stan, Kyle, and Kenny
Cartman (216-B)	You guys! You guys! Something really weird is going on! I keep having the same dream that I'm a fat little white boy.
Kyle (216-B)	You ain't white, but you definitely fat.
Cartman (216-B)	This is serious, Kyle! It's more than a dream, it's becoming like real now!
	Cartman then shifts her tone to focus around the entire hallway.
Cartman (216-B)	I keep all of you! Being replaced by little white motherfuckers!
Stan (216-B)	Well, maybe you should try not being so racist, Cartman.
	Cartman shifts her focus back onto Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.
Cartman (216-B)	You can't be racist towards white people, Stan! They all honky-ass bitches! You Know what this is? I think this is some alternate universe shit.
	There is a short pause as Stan, Kyle, and Kenny look at each other, before they look back towards Cartman.
Kyle (216-B)	Yeah, right, you just acting crazy 'cause you wanna get sent home from school.
Cartman (216-B)	No, I'm not, Kyle!
	Stan, Kyle, and Kenny turn around and start walking away from Cartman.
Kyle (216-B)	Yeah, bitch, you just wanna get sent home so you can play Baldur's Gate 3.
	A portal opens up on the ceiling and universe 216-B Cartman screams as she is quickly sucked up into it. Main universe Cartman can then be heard screaming as he falls through in her place, landing on his face. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny turn back around to see what happened. All the students are silent as they look on at Cartman in confusion.
Stan (216-B)	What the fuck?
	Cartman is back on his feet as he looks around in horror at where he ended up.
Cartman	Oh, my God, it's all real!
Stan (216-B)	Whatever you're doing, Cartman, we ain't buyin' it.
Cartman	Stay away from me! You aren't my friends! Do you understand?
Stan (216-B)	Is that supposed to be Cartman?
Kyle (216-B)	It ain't Cartman but it's still fat. Just more like little round and fat.
Kenny (216-B)	Yeah, like Tammy Mullins' knockers.
Stan (216-B)	Kenny! Brah. Chill with the knockers. Man!
	Stan, Kyle, and Kenny start walking away again, leaving Cartman there on his own.
Cartman	No...
Cartman	No...!
	Back at South Park Elementary in the main universe, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are walking down the hallway as they talk.
Stan	Okay, so Clyde says he can probably try to fart on Tammy Mullins again during fourth period. But this time Kenny has to keep his mouth shut.
Kenny	It's fine! I won't say anything, fine!
Kyle	He's gonna say something, he's totally in love with her.
Kenny	No, I'm not!
	Universe 216-B Cartman dashes through the hallway looking for Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.
Cartman (216-B)	You guys! You guys! Holy shit, you guys, I fuckin' told you! I fuckin' told you this was happening, didn't I?
	Stan, Kyle, and Kenny are silent as they look at each other in confusion, not knowing who this random lady who came up to them is.
Kenny	Told us what was happening?
Cartman (216-B)	I told you I was having all these dreams that I was a fat little white boy and you guys were all white boys too and now look! Y'all actually turned into 'em!
Stan	Do we know you?
Cartman (216-B)	I'm Cartman! And you're Kyle and you're Stan and you're fucking Kenny. Only it's a parallel, alternated universe and y'all have been replaced.
Kyle	Uh, okay, cool lady. We gotta get to class.
	Stan, Kyle, and Kenny turn around to try and head to class, but Cartman runs around to stop them in their tracks.
Cartman (216-B)	Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no! You guys are gonna listen to me this time! I need help!
Kyle	Cartman's just messing with us.
Cartman (216-B)	Fuck you, Kyle! This is serious, you fuckin' butt-fucker!
Stan	Yeah, listen, lady, we really gotta get going.
	Stan, Kyle, and Kenny start walking away from Cartman again.
Cartman (216-B)	Will you guys fucking listen to me?! I'm Cartman!
	Kyle stops for a moment to yell back at Cartman.
Kyle	You're not Cartman and multiple universes are stupid.
Cartman (216-B)	Oh, goddamn it!
	Back outside the Home Depot, the group of white-collared workers are still sitting in front of the sign, appearing defeated.
Chris Martins	Tom, I'm still here live at the scene. Dozens of white-collared workers are gathered hoping to get the attention of just one handyman. It's a scene of desperation and a reminder of where our country's economy is headed.
	Another handyman drives up in a golden van with modded wheels that reads "HANDYMAN" in bold letters on the side, music blaring inside the vehicle. Stopping in front of the group who all immediately rise to attention and being clamoring as they approach the vehicle. "Hey! Hey, hey, hey!", "Over here!" a handful of them shout as Randy pushes his way through to the front of the group.
Randy	Hey, hey! Excuse me, you're a handyman, right? Can I get you to come look at my oven door? I can trade you services.
	Randy then holds up a small sign that reads "Geology PHD" in red lettering.
Randy	I have geology skills. Could you come fix my door and I'll give you some geology?
Unnamed Handyman #2	Hey, why don't you guys get outta here? You're making the Home Depot look all shitty.
	The handyman then drives off, much to the others disappointment.
Randy	Fuckin' rich assholes.
	The group collectively grumbles as they go sulk back over by the Home Depot sign, apart from Randy who stays put in the middle of the parking lot.
Gerald	Ugh, sucks.
Benny	Aw, man.
Gerald	Boy, I wish I knew how to fix stuff. I'd be rich, too.
Randy	I could know how to fix stuff! The problem is when I could have been learning how to fix stuff, I went to fucking college instead!
Unnamed Man #2	Hey, yeah, he's right. We all went to college and where did it get us?
Dr.Kronberg	Yeah, I'm still paying off my college loans.
Randy	Yeah, so am I! Now I don't know how to do anything ‘cause I got suckered into going to college and learning stupid geology -
	Randy angrily tosses his “Geology PHD” sign off screen.
Randy	- that anyone can know ‘cause of goddamn AI!
Unnamed Man #1	Yeah, fuck college!
Randy	Let's go get our fucking money back!
	The group gets to their feet and begin clamoring as they charge off. “Yeah!”, “Yeah! Fuck college!”, “Come on, let's go!” a handful of them shout.
	Outside the University of Colorado Boulder, the group continues clamoring as they shout at the building from a distance.
Dr.Kronberg	Stupid college!
Unnamed Man #4	You wasted our time!
Unnamed Man #5	Fuck you, college!
Randy	Piece of shit college!
	Randy then holds up a megaphone as he makes his way to the front of the group.
Randy	Hey-hey, college! You know what you are?! You're a scam! College is a scam!
	The others cheer behind Randy as he shouts this at the building. “Yeah!”, “Yeah, that's right!” a handful of them shout. Randy then holds up his student loan bill.
Randy	Yeah, hey, college! Here's my student loan bill. That I'm still paying off! Well, guess what, I'm not paying it!
	Randy then tucks the megaphone underneath his arm so he can rip his student loan bill in half. He tosses it on the ground as the others continue to cheer behind him. “Alright!”, “Yeah!”, “We don't owe you nothing!”, “No way!” a handful of them shout as Randy brings the megaphone back up to his face.
Randy	Guess what, college?! We don't owe you money, you owe us money!
	The others cheer again. “Yeah!”, “Yeah, that's right!” some shout before they start to fall silent after getting no response from college, since they are just yelling at a building.
Randy	You think you can just sit there and not even respond to us, college? Okay! You aren't going to destroy any more lives!
	Randy then lowers the megaphone and turns to the others, speaking in a normal tone again.
Randy	All right, bring in the catapult.
Gerald	Bring in the catapult!
	This script is not finished, if you would like to contribute, I highly recommend using the subtitles provided with the special.
End of South Park: Joining the Panderverse