File:Cable Guy Getting Off on Screwing Over Customers - SOUTH PARK

Description

The boys visit the Cable Company in an attempt to change their cable package. "Informative Murder Porn" S17

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1. SouthPark #SouthParkS17

INT. GET CABLE! - DAY The boys walk up to the customer service window. CABLE COMPANY WORKER Hey guys, can I help you? KYLE Hello. There are certain networks that we see as harmful to our families and we want them REMOVED, please. CABLE COMPANY WORKER Oh you don't want cable any more? STAN (looking at slip of papers) No, no, just ID Network, A&E, Oxygen and Oprah's network- all the one's with murder porn.

CABLE COMPANY WORKER You don't like paying for all the channels? Oh, our company actually packages channels together. He starts rubbing his nipples. The boys look at each other. KYLE Well can you unpackage them so we only get the channels we want? CABLE COMPANY WORKER Oh, I'm sorry our company doesn't work that way - you want me to give you the number of a different cable company that can-- oh wait we're it aren't we? He starts rubbing his nipples really hard. CABLE COMPANY WORKER Dangit, guess you have to deal with our packages. STAN Can we talk to your supervisor, please? CABLE COMPANY WORKER Oh sure. Hey David- The boss walks up next to the worker. CABLE COMPANY MANAGER Hi, is there a problem here? The boss TEARS OPEN the velcro on his chest and gets ready to rub. STAN We want specific networks dropped from our cable. REVERSE back to see both cable guys rubbing their nipples. CABLE COMPANY MANAGER Oh you have to pay for the bundle you can't just pay for what you want to watch, darn it. KYLE You mean that we're FORCED to pay for the Oprah channel. Reverse back to the guys playing with each other's nipples. CABLE COMPANY MANAGER Oh yeah you sure are aren't you. CABLE COMPANY WORKER I guess if you don't wanna be forced to pay for Oprah you'd have to shut off your cable all together. KYLE Fine then we'll shut our cable off all together! CABLE COMPANY MANAGER No problem sir. Hey Mitch. When can you get out to shut off some cable boxes? Cut to a cable technician sitting at his desk with his feet up playing with his nipples. CABLE COMPANY TECHNICIAN Oh man, it's gonna be like three weeks. There's a whole plug I have to pull out, it's like four inches long. BACK to the two guys rubbing each others nipples. CABLE COMPANY MANAGER Three weeks, huh? Okay, is three weeks from now okay with you guys? STAN No that's way too long! CABLE COMPANY WORKER Oh it is?! Oh geez that's terrible. STAN GOD DAMMIT I JUST DON'T WANT MY PARENTS TO MURDER EACH OTHER!!! The men stop and stares at Stan. MUSIC starts. STAN Can't you see that all we're trying to do is keep our families safe? Look, I don't know if seeing couples murder each other on television is going to make my parents do it. And we probably won't be able to stop them from watching what they want to watch. All we're trying to do is make it a little more difficult for them because cable makes it so convenient. Sure if they didn't have easy access to their murder porn channels they'd be bummed out, but it's not just our responsibility to give them what they want. Is it? Everyone hangs for a moment. CABLE COMPANY MANAGER Say- Say that last part again? STAN What? CABLE COMPANY MANAGER What was that last part you said? STAN I said it's not our responsibility to give them what they want- CABLE COMPANY MANAGER No, no the part about your parents not getting the channels easily? STAN I said it would really bum them out. CABLE COMPANY MANAGER How-- Starts rubbing his nipples. CABLE COMPANY MANAGER How much would it bum them out?