Dead Kids/Script

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Cast

• Eric Cartman
• Butters Stotch
• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski
• Craig Tucker
• Nichole Daniels
• Tolkien Black
• Randy Marsh
• Sharon Marsh
• Steve Black
• Linda Black
• Stephen Stotch
• Linda Stotch
• Harriet Biggle
• Laura Tucker
• Ryan Valmer
• Mr. Mackey
• Mrs. Nelson
• PC Principal
• Officer Stevens
• Bill Keegan
• Doctor
• Paramedic
• SWAT officers
• Townsman

Script

Dead Kids
	South Park Elementary, day. Mrs. Nelson hands out papers to the students.
Mrs. Nelson	I want you all to take a close look at your math exams, children. Some of you did very well, but many of you did not. [hands Cartman his exam, which has a big red F stamped on it]
Cartman	Oh, man!
Mrs. Nelson	[goes to the board] The addition of fractions is very simple. Let's run through it again. How do we solve this first one? [gun shots are heard outside, followed by faraway screams of children]
Butters	[raises his hand] Add together the three and the three.
Mrs. Nelson	[turns to the board] Good, Butters, we add the three's together. [writes 6 in the numerator's place.] And what about the four's? Tolkien?
Tolkien	They're the denominators, so they stay a four.
Cartman	Wait, wait, Tolkien got an A? But I cheated off Tolkien!
Mrs. Nelson	Ah, I can't hear you, Eric.
Cartman	I said something's wrong! I got an F, but I cheated off Tolkien!
SWAT officer 1	[armed, runs into the classroom] Active shooter! Active shooter! ["All units, report in" The officer strikes various poses as he checks out the classroom. More gunshots are heard. Mrs. Nelson moves around to stay visible to the class]
Mrs. Nelson	And now we divide, right?! Craig, how about you?! What are we dividing?!
SWAT officer 1	[moving offscreen] Active shooter! Active shooter!
Craig	Divide four by six? ["Report now!"]
Mrs. Nelson	The four by the six?!
SWAT officer 1	Unit 5 in southwest classroom! [more police chatter]
Mrs. Nelson	Or the six by the four?!
Kyle	The six by the four!
SWAT officer 1	Southwest classroom, clear! ["Copy. Southwest classroom, clear."]
Mrs. Nelson	Now we're gonna retake the exam on Friday.
Class	AWWW!
SWAT officer 2	Shooter's in the hallway! All units report! [he and officer 1 leave the classroom and make their way towards the shooter.]
Mrs. Nelson	Now I'm giving you an opportunity to do better. I hope you take advantage of it.
SWAT officer	[the officers have swarmed the shooter outside] Put down the gun, son. You don't wanna do this.
Cartman	You can see where Tolkien erased his answers and wrote down the right ones! He did it to me on purpose! [a final gunshot]
Mrs. Nelson	Eric, that's enough! ["Shooter is down, shooter is down"] Now let's move on to the next equation.
	The aftermath. Aerial shot of the school. Four officers are on the school roof. Several officers are with the students in the playground on lockdown. A couple of paramedics carry the shooter away on a stretcher towards an ambulance. Several officers talk to the teachers on the school's front lawn. The bell rings and the students are released from lockdown
Cartman	That is such bullshit, you guys! Tolkien knew I was cheating off him, so he deliberately put down the wrong answers! Why would he do that?!
Stan	I flunked that test too. I don't understand fractions - they don't make any sense.
Cartman	That's not the point, you guys! Why is Tolkien out to get me? There's something going on here.
Bill Keegan	Another school shooting today has left students in shock and disbelief.
Kyle	Yeah, Tolkien's probably sick of you cheating off him all the time.
Cartman	But why now? That's the question, Kyle. I always cheat off Tolkien. Why did he choose now to hurt me?
Sharon	[a shot of her running towards him. She crosses the police barrier.] Stanley, oh my God! [gets down on her knees and hugs him tight] Baby! Oh, you're okay!
Stan	Uh, hey, Mom.
Sharon	It's all right, Stanley. We're gonna go home and talk about this with your dad. And we will get through this as a family! [stands up and pulls him away] Come on, get in the car!
Cartman	Dude, what's up Stan's mom's ass?
	The Marsh house, dinnertime. The family is gathered at the table and Sharon approaches the table with her plate and sits down. She glances over at Randy for a moment, then at Shelley.
Sharon	Stanley? Well? Do you wanna tell your father about what happened at school today?
Stan	[glances up at Randy, who is cutting a slice away from his steak.] Um... Oh- Oh, I... flunked my math quiz.
Sharon	Noo, the other thing!
Randy	[looks at Sharon] What other thing? [Stan turns his head away. Randy looks at him] What happened at school today?
Stan	[looks at Randy] Oh, the school shooting?
Sharon	Yes, the school shooting!
Stan	Oh, yeah, some kid shot up the school.
Randy	Who shot up the schoo- [holds up his knife] was it you?
Stan	No.
Randy	Did you get shot?
Stan	No.
Randy	Oh... [goes back to cutting his steak] Well, what's this about failing a math quiz?
Sharon	[Stands up in anger and pounds the table. Shelley looks at her, Randy is suddenly afraid] Are you serious?! Did you not hear what your child said?! Kids died at his school!
Randy	I'm sorry, Sharon. I...
Sharon	Why are you all acting like this is normal? What is wrong with you people?! [storms away upstairs]
Stan	What's up Mom's ass?
	The master bedroom, night. Sharon is in there folding clothes and putting it away angrily
Randy	[enters] Hey, Sharon, ya... doin' okay?
Sharon	No, I'm not okay! Children were shot! They were killed at a school where they were supposed to be safe!
Randy	Uh huh, and... what else is goin' on?
Sharon	[turns around angrily] Why does there need to be anything else?! Are you kidding me?!
Randy	[holds his palms up] I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sharon.
Sharon	Why isn't anyone else emotional?!
Randy	...Hun, uh... [pause] When was your last...? I mean, you know how sometimes things can seem like a little bigger deal 'cause you know, your... down there?
Sharon	Don't you dare suggest that I'm only emotional because it's-
Randy	I mean, I'm just, I'm just pointing out that it is around that time.
Sharon	GET OUT, RANDY! I'M NOT OVERREACTING!
Randy	Okay. Okay, love you, honey. I'll leave you alone. [backs out of the room and sighs] Welp, another three days of this, probably. [turns around and walks down the hallway to the stairs]
	South Park Elementary, Principal's office. Mr. Mackey stands over PC Principal's left shoulder
PC Principal	I understand that there have been some problems here at the school lately. A lot of students are experiencing anxiety, and Eric Cartman just wanted to be able to voice his concerns. Go ahead, Eric. [Cartman and Tolkien are seated in chairs before him]
Cartman	Tolkien, [sighs] There are some terrible things that I realize you might have heard from the other kids here at school. There are some rumors that have been going around, about me, that... that I thought Black Panther was a terrible movie. There's rumors that I said it was a structural mess. You know, that the rhinos were really stupid. I want to assure you that I never said anything like that. I loved Black Panther. So if, you know, you feel like there's a need to come after me, to get back at me, I just need you to know that people are lying, because I like Black Panther just as much as you did. I am not a racist.
Tolkien	I actually never saw Black Panther.
Cartman	[affecting a black accent] Say what, girlfriend? Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis? Come on, Raj! You never saw Black Panther??
Tolkien	No, I didn't see it.
Cartman	But I thought all of you saw it. [Another day, another round of gunshots.]
Mr. Mackey	I got this one. [leaves the office and goes into the hallway.] All right, everyone, get down! Everybody get the fuck down!
Cartman	Tolkien, let's be honest with each other, okay? Why else would you manipulate my test grades?
PC Principal	How exactly did Tolkien manipulate your grades, Eric? [sirens are heard approaching as gunfire continues]
Cartman	There was a test. I should have got an A on it, but Tolkien did things to make me fail, and it's not fair.
Mr. Mackey	M'kay, m'kay, who's shootin' up the school?
PC Principal	Is that true, Tolkien? Did you do somethin' to make Eric fail a test?
Tolkien	[emphatic] I didn't make him fail, no!
Cartman	You didn't make me fail the test and you didn't see Black Panther. Right.
Mr. Mackey	Everyone down!
An officer	Active shooter, active shooter!
Cartman	I mean, I mean, this is ridiculous.
Mr. Mackey	[appears in the doorway directing the officers] Over this way! Into the cafeteria! Right over there, m'kay- No, you shot the wrong one!
	The Marsh living room, night. Sharon has called a group of parents together
Sharon	Thanks for coming, everybody. I'm sure you all heard there was yet another school shooting today. We have to figure out what we're going to do as parents because this whole thing is out of control! [Randy sighs heavily] We have to ask ourselves why this is happening and do something now!
Stephen	Well, you know, Sharon, I think... its a complex issue, you know. It's... it's not really as simple as just... [Randy perks up and begins signing to Stephen furiously. It basically amounts to "Stop! Stop! It's Sharon! She's menstruating!"] What I'm saying is that, that with issues like this, sometimes you have to be kind of... [begins to see what Randy is doing: "she's crazy in the head"] crazy? [Randy motions "heavy menstrual flow"]
Sharon	What are you talking about? [Randy pulls out a red handkerchief and pretends it's a bloody tampon] Do you understand that our children are being murdered?
Stephen	Red?
Sharon	How much closer to home can this all hit? [Randy continues signing: "She's menstruating heavily and it's driving her crazy."] It was at our children's school!
Stephen	[still not getting it] Crazy time. Crazy red time. [Sharon notices Randy's motions, and Randy stops in his tracks]
Randy	I agree with my wife.
Laura	Well, there certainly are things that need changing. Just yesterday, I was at the park with my son Craig and... have you seen the state of the playground equipment? Not only does it seem unsafe, but it's become quite an eyesore.
Ryan	The whole park could use an upgrade, if you ask me. It's become a campout for the homeless.
Sharon	[irate] ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?! YOU'RE GONNA TAKE ONE SECOND TO COMPARE CHILD MURDER TO PARK UPGRADES?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY?! YOU'VE ALL GONE CRAZY!! [leaves and goes upstairs. No one says a word]
Randy	...Anybody need a drink?
	South Park Elementary, day. Upon entering school, the kids are getting wanded at three security stations as two security cameras look on from the ceiling. Mr. Mackey holds the reins of two drug-sniffing dogs who on occasion bark at a random student walking by. Deeper inside the school, Butters is hall monitor for the day, but he's armed with an AR-15
Cartman	[peeks out from behind a pillar] Butters. [during their conversation, Cartman looks away from time to time, making sure no one else is nearby to hear them]
Butters	Waaah! [startled, he almost loses the rifle, but gets control of it and aims it at Cartman] Ah! Uh-oh! [walks over to him] Hey Eric.
Cartman	Butters, I need help. My mom says if I flunk another math test, she's gonna ground me from playing Fortnite.
Butters	Oh, Jeez, want me to help you study?
Cartman	No, dumbass, I need to get some dirt on Tolkien so he stops punishing me for what I supposedly said about Black Panther.
Butters	Oho, Black Panther? Well that was a great movie! [smiles]
Cartman	No it wasn't. But now listen. [Butters' smile vanishes] There's got to be something Tolkien wouldn't want people to know. Something I can use as leverage.
Butters	Well, what do you want me to do? I got hall monitor duty.
Cartman	Just ask around. If you find any dirt on Tolkien, give me a call.
Butters	Okay, Eric. [turns around and walks away]
Cartman	[thinking to himself.] This world is full of two types of people: [stops by Jason's locker for a moment and looks around] the ones who are honest, and the ones who don't play by the rules. [moves off. Jason looks at him. Next, he's going up some stairs but pauses as another student goes down the stairs, then continues up] Tolkien's got everyone believing he's the one African-American in the entire country who didn't see Black Panther. What else is he lying about? [peeks around a corner and spots Nichole at her locker: she's switching books around. Cartman gets that mischievous look on his face]
	The Marsh kitchen, evening. Randy is seated between Stephen and Gerald, getting tissue after tissue and blowing his nose
Randy	[sniffles] It just gets so hard, you know? [Gerald hands him another tissue] Everything's going fine, and then at a certain time of the month I have to start walking on eggshells.
Stephen	It's all right, Randy.
Randy	It's just. it's just once I'd like her to acknowledge it, you know? Just once say "You know, maybe I was overreacting a little bit 'cause of my hormones."
Sharon	[appearing at a doorway to one side of the kitchen] Randy, they announced on the news there's been another school shooting in Jefferson County!
Randy	[exasperated] Okay, Sharon. Cool.
Sharon	What is "cool" about that?!
Randy	Nuh-nothing. I love you, sweetheart.
Sharon	GOD! [walks off angrily]
Randy	I don't know. I don't know how much more of this I can take. It's like, I turn on the TV and dread they'll say something about a school shooting because it's gonna set my wife off.
Stephen	Well, Randy, have you stopped to think that maybe this problem is bigger than Sharon's period?
Randy	[sniffles] What... what do you mean?
Stephen	I mean that maybe what's going on really is a big deal. What if this is actually... menopause?
Randy	Menopause? I don't even know what that is.
	Mala Vista Middle School, Jefferson County, day. Like at South Park Elementary, there are officers on the roof and first responders on the ground. There are helicopters in the air and some reporters nearby. Randy appears, but what he's doing there is anybody's guess.
Paramedic	[puts a casualty into an ambulance and walks over] Well you see, Mr. Marsh, when the woman's ovaries actually stop producing eggs, it's a significant change. It's this ending of the menstrual cycle in a woman's life that we call menopause.
Randy	Uh huh. But... if a woman isn't having periods anymore, then why would she still overreact and be bitchy?
Paramedic	Well actually, menopause is one of the most severely hormonal times a woman ever goes through. It's good you sought the advice of a medical professional, because the changes in your wife's body are gonna be confusing and at times hard to cope with.
Randy	Well wait, you're saying this could actually get worse?
Paramedic	I'm afraid so. [notices some movement nearby] Ah, no. Dead ones go in the other truck. [back to Randy] You see Mr. Marsh, menopause is almost like a super period, and it's been known to last... for up to two years.
Randy	[trembling] Oh my God!
	South Park Elementary, hallway, day. Nichole is at her locker and opens the door
Cartman	[approaches her] Nichole, can I talk to ya? [leans against the lockers and puts his right foot on one of them]
Nichole	'Bout what?
Cartman	Word on the street is you and Tolkien are back together.
Nichole	We're trying, just talking a lot and seeing if we can work things out.
Cartman	Why did you break up with him? What did he do to you?
Nichole	That's... really none of your business. [closes the door and walks away]
Cartman	[keeps up] He didn't take you to see Black Panther with him, did he? That must have really stung.
Nichole	I don't know what you're talking about.
Cartman	Oh no? When you guys talk about how sweet Black Panther was, what's he say?
Nichole	We've never talked about it.
Cartman	Right. You two guys just hang out and talk, and Black Panther never comes up. Why are you covering for Tolkien? What's he have on you?
Nichole	[walks away] I gotta get to class.
Cartman	[thinking to himself.] $1.3 billion domestic box office, a milestone for African Americans, [on the school roof taking pictures as Tolkien turns to kick back a soccer ball] and I'm supposed to believe that Tolkien and his little sex kitten never even talked about it. [at home he looks over all the pictures he took, with a pencil in his mouth] The all-school test is in less than 72 hours. Unless there's a connection, I'll be grounded from Fortnite for weeks. [looks closely at one of the pictures, which shows Tolkien and his parents shopping]
Cartman	Hello, Mom and Dad.
	A doctor's office, day. Sharon is seated at the sofa letting out her frustrations on the good doctor.
Sharon	I keep thinking... When will be the time when I get the call? You know? When will I answer the phone and find out my son, my daughter, were... killed? At school?
Doctor	Mmmhmm. Yeah I see.
Sharon	I live in constant fear that I won't be there to protect my children when something happens to them.
Doctor	Well, Sharon, have you maybe considered that your feelings are partly due to... handkerchief balls?
Sharon	What? [looks at him]
Doctor	Handkerchief balls. Handkerchief out the balls. [Randy signs: "she used to have periods,"] Red handkerchief. ["but now she's old and going through menopause"] No- no more handkerchief. No more- no more red. Zero. Empty. Old lady.
Sharon	What I'm saying is that I'm so overwhelmed that I-
Doctor	Old lady, where's my dick? [Sharon looks at him again] Where's my dick?
Sharon	What the hell are you talking about?! I don't understand! [checks the window and sees Randy] God damnit! [leaves the office and goes outside] Stop acting like there's something wrong with me! Something's wrong with you! All of you! Try having some God-damned compassion! [storms away]
	Tolkien's house, evening. Cartman is visiting them and talking to them about the movie in the kitchen
Cartman	Yeah. yeah yeah, I know. You know, my other favorite part was when Black Panther had those dreams about his dead father. I mean the dad, the tribal leader, speaking to the new king about being a good leader. I've never seen a movie do that before, except for Lion King, of course, but Black Panther was so original.
Steve	We enjoyed it, yes.
Cartman	So, uh, what was Tolkien's favorite part of Black Panther?
Linda Black	Tolkien?
Cartman	Yeah. You must have all had some deep family talks about it. What does Tolkien say about it on Black Panther Family Discussion Night? [Tolkien comes down some stairs and sees Cartman at table.]
Tolkien	Get out of my house!
Cartman	Tolkien.
Tolkien	Come on, get out! [yanks him off the chair and shows him out the back door]
Cartman	Sure thing. You know, we were just talking about how your family did see Black Panther.
Steve	Oh, no not the family. Tolkien's mom and I saw it on date night. We're gonna watch it again with Tolkien, though. We don't let him watch it alone because it's PG-13.
Cartman	Well, I guess there's nothing more to it, then. Nice talking to you folks. [walks out, but stops moments later] Eh, you know, just one last thing. If you ever found out your son saw a PG-13 movie without you, you'd probably be pretty pissed off.
Linda	Well, Tolkien wouldn't do that.
Cartman	No. No, he'd have no reason to falsely claim he's the only one who hasn't seen Black Panther. [to Tolkien] I'll see you at school.
	The Marsh doorbell, day. Someone is ringing it furiously. Sharon goes to answer it
Harriet Biggle	Sharon, Sharon, you have to come quick!
Sharon	What is it?
Linda Stotch	There's another shooting happening at the school right now!
Harriet	It just started. Maybe we can make it in time!
Sharon	Oh my God! [takes off with the other woomen]
	South Park Elementary, day. Linda drives up to the school and the three women get out.
Sharon	Come on, we have to hurry!
Linda	No, Sharon. You go ahead first.
Sharon	Why??
Harriet	You just- ya-you should go. [she runs into the school, which is darkened. The security stations are turned off but decorated with garlands. Candles sit on tables, while rose petals on the lobby floor form a heart. Wreaths are everywhere - looks like Randy rented the school out for this. From the left come one group of parents, from the right another group. Harriet and Linda come up behind her as "Love Story" starts up.]
Sharon	What the fuck is going on? [on the second floor, a spotlight shines on Randy as he begins singing. He then goes down a flight of stairs]
Randy	Where do I begin To tell the story of how great a love can be? Surprise, Sharon The sweet love story that is older than the sea...
	The boys bathroom. Cartman is inside waiting for someone to finish using a stall. Tolkien opens the stall door and exits. He goes to wash his hands. Cartman moves and locks the bathroom door
Cartman	Oh hay, man. The big math quiz is about to start. You gonna let me cheat off you?
Tolkien	Nnnope.
Cartman	You saw Black Panther without your parents' permission. I typed up all my findings, Tolkien. I made ten copies and put them in envelopes. If I don't pass this math quiz, the envelopes are all set to be sent to ten different news organizations.
Tolkien	You did all that instead of actually studying for the test?
Cartman	So, what's it gonna be, Tolkien? You can be mad I didn't like Black Panther, but you can't take it out on me anymore.
Tolkien	I didn't see Black Panther.
Cartman	Then I guess your parents won't be mad when they read my report.
Cartman	In poker they call it a bluff. I know that right now, Tolkien is shitting his pants. All I need to do now is wait for the poop to stink.
	South Park Elementary lobby. Randy continues singing.
Randy	She fills my heart with very special things. With angel songs, with wild imaginings She f-
	The boys bathroom. Cartman is still trying to break Tolkien
Cartman	Tolkien, we are running out of time. If you don't let me cheat off you, I'm going to tell your parents that you saw Black Panther in the theater without them!
Tolkien	I didn't see Black Panther in the theater!
Cartman	Of course you did, Tolkien! That's why me ripping on it pissed you off so much!
Tolkien	I swear on my mother's life, I don't care what you said about Black Panther! Goodbye! [taken aback, Cartman blocks Tolkien's way]
Cartman	But Tolkien, I don't understand! If you didn't see it, and you really don't care that I ripped on Black Panther, then why would you let me cheat- [stops himself and gets another idea...] Oh my God. You don't care what I said because you did see it... and you... didn't like it either. [takes a deep gasp. Tolkien lowers his eyelids] That's what this is all about, isn't it? You hate yourself for seeing through the mirage like I did, and that's why you wouldn't let me cheat off you! Well I didn't write Black Panther, Tolkien! It isn't my fault it sucked! Why go after me?! But now, it's over. Don't worry. They're not gonna know you didn't like Black Panther, so long as... you never make me fail another math test.
Tolkien	[checks his phone] Well, we're probably both gonna fail now because fourth period already started.
Cartman	What? No! [turns to unlock the door] We have to take that test, Tolkien! [opens the door and pulls him out]
	Running down the hallway
Cartman	Come on! We can still get to class on time! [a flurry of gunshots] Oh, great! Come on, we can do this! [as they run through the hallways, gunshots ring out and gunsmoke fills the air. They pass a stairwell in which some students are huddled. They round a corner and spot a boy at his locker. They run to him] Billy, give me your lunchbox! [Billy hands it over. The window to the computer lab is shattered by gunfire. Butters stays out of the gunfire, too scared to move. Cartman and Tolkien reach him] Butters!
Butters	Wull it's the entire glee club this time!
Cartman	Butters, I have to get to class! The math quiz is starting!
Butters	Oh crap! The math quiz? It's already fourth period?
Cartman	I can't flunk this math quiz, Butters! Cover me!
Butters	Well okay! [slow motion effect as they run through the school] Waaaahahaaaaaagh!
Cartman	[Dodges many bullets with Tolkien behind him in slow motion] Yeah, kewll!
	The school lobby. Randy continues singing, the adults are all smiles, oblivious to the gunfire around them. Cartman and Tolkien run across the lobby without Butters and take the stairway up to the second floor. They run to class.
Randy	How long does it last?
	an love be measured by the hours in a day
	The final rush to class. The glee club is still firing away as Cartman and Tolkien reach the classroom. Cartman rolls forward, jumps up, and opens the door. He and Tolkien go in.
	The aftermath. The wounded are being taken to hospitals, just as in the beginning of the episode
Officer Stevens	You did everything you could, Mr. Marsh. If your wife can't realize the truth and appreciate you, maybe she never will.
Sharon	Realize what?! What have you been telling everybody, RANDY?!
Stephen	Randy was just trying to make you feel loved while you're going through menopause.
Sharon	Menopause?! I'm not going through fucking menopause!
Stephen	How do you know?
Sharon	I just got my period this morning!
Randy	You... you got your period?
Sharon	YES!
Randy	You just got your period this morning?
Sharon	YES!
Randy	Soooo the past few days, maybe you have been just a liiittle-
Sharon	NO! NO NOTHING! Don't you guys see what's happened here?! I want you to be angry! Every day we hear about another school shooting! It used to be a big deal! I want it to be a big deal again. I mean Harriet, you came to my house and said there was a school shooting to trick me into going with you!
Harriet	I was just trying to be a part of the big surprise, Sharon.
Sharon	That's what I'm talking about! That's crazy, Harriet! I want you all to be shocked! I want you all to be sad!
Townsman	You want everyone to be sad?
Harriet	Well. Sharon, if you wanted to make me sad, congratulations. [her voice cracks a little] You did a great job. [walks away]
Stephen	Yeah, let's go somewhere without so much negativity. [the people disperse]
Randy	Aw guys, uh she didn't mean it! She just... get, give her a... [sighs, looks at her, turns around and shuffles away]
	The classroom. Mrs. Nelson hands out the quiz
Mrs. Nelson	The quiz is multiple-choice, but be sure to show all your work. You'll have 20 minutes to complete your answers. All right, your time starts... now. [Cartman stares at Tolkien, who notices. Tolkien rolls his eyes and positions his test so Cartman can see his work. Tolkien solves his problems first, then Cartman copies]
Cartman	[thinking] Everybody has dirty laundry. All it takes to find it is getting a little dirty yourself. The only question now is, how many Tolkiens are out there? How many others are afraid to say that Black Panther wasn't all that sweet because of the damage it could do to them?
Cartman	What do you mean?
Cartman	[thinking] I mean, in a school of 200 students, there's already two who are covering up the truth. All Tolkien is doing by letting you cheat off him is keeping the whole thing quiet even longer. [crumples up his test and throws it to the ground, thereby earning another F] There are others out there... and even if it means failing, I'm their only damn hope.
	The Marsh house, backyard. Randy is moping on a tree stump. Sharon opens the back door and sees him
Sharon	Randy... [walks up to him] we need to talk.
Randy	Sure, honey.
Sharon	There's been... too much pain and suffering, and... it has to stop.
Randy	I know, sweetheart, I know.
Sharon	What I'm trying to say is... I've been very emotional lately, and... maybe... maybe I do overreact sometimes.
Randy	[raises his arms up as if he's witnessing a revelation] Aaaaah?
Sharon	Maybe I need to realize that my emotions can be hormonal and not just take things out on you.
Randy	Aaah? Aaaaah?
Sharon	Randy, I'm... sorry.
Randy	Aaaah. Aaaaaah. [voice shaky] Thank you, Sharon. I don't know what it's like to have periods, but I'll try to be more understanding from now on. [Sharon's cell phone rings, and she pulls it out of her pocket.]
Sharon	Sorry, sorry, one second. [answers it] Hello? Yes. What? Oh my God! Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. [hangs up]
Randy	What is it?
Sharon	There's been another school shooting. Stan's been shot.
Randy	Shuh-should we get down there?
Sharon	[Sighs] It's not the end of the world. [smiles]
Randy	[sighs in relief] Aaaaah. I love you, Sharon. [they hug as he cries on her shoulder]
	#cancelsouthpark
End of Dead Kids