A Nightmare on Face Time/Script

General

Trivia

Images

Script

Extras

Watch Episode

"Going Native/Script"

"A Nightmare on Face Time/Script"

"A Scause For Applause/Script"

Cast

• Stan Marsh
• Kyle Broflovski
• Eric Cartman
• Kenny McCormick
• Butters Stotch
• Jimmy Valmer
• Randy Marsh
• Sharon Marsh
• Shelly Marsh
• Harrison Yates and Officers
• Herbert Garrison
• Mr. Mackey
• Ben and Girlfriend
• Filmore Anderson
• Quaid
• Three Ghosts:
  • Emily
  • Emily's Husband
  • Blockbuster Employee
• The Redbox Killers (Four Robbers)
• Family (one is Bobby Palmer)
• A Banana
• Various townsfolk

Script

A Nightmare on Face Time
	The Marsh house, day. Sharon is carving a pumpkin at the dining room table, Shelly and Stan work on making the pie filling. Randy enters the house with gifts.
Randy	[excitedly] Hellooo family! [closes the door] Who wants champagne? [puts the gifts on the sofa]
Sharon	[meeting him at the sofa] Randy, what is all this? [Stan and Shelly follow]
Randy	It's finally happened, Sharon! [makes to fists and draws them to his chest] I did it! [raises his fists up and lowers them quickly, then opens the gifts. He gives the first one to Sharon] Here you are, my lady. A brand new leather coat, pour vous.
Sharon	[happily] Oho, Randy, it's beautiful!
Randy	[proudly] And some gifts for the kids too. After all, we're rich now.
Stan	[gets his gift] We're rich?
Shelly	[gets her gift] Finally.
Sharon	Randy, are you being serious? [smiles]
Randy	I just wanted to wait until the deal was all finished. We are going into business for ourselves! You are all looking at the new owner of Blockbuster Video! [Sharon frowns]
Stan	[somewhat confused] Blockbuster Video?
Randy	Last week, I saw it was up for sale. On a fluke I asked how much. $10,000! Can you believe it?! We have the entire business! And we can watch movies whenever we want! Come on, you guys wanna see it?
	On the road, day, under some ominous clouds. Randy drives him family out of town
Randy	You're gonna love it, Sharon. It is in pristine condition.
Sharon	I just wish you'd have talked to me before spending all our money.
Randy	Sharon, it was $10,000 for the entire place! It wasn't gonna last! Don't worry, we'll make the money back in a week. Guaranteed. You excited, Stan?
Stan	Huh? Sorry, I'm watching a movie on my iPad. [they reach their destination and exit the car, and have a look at the place]
Randy	Well? There she is. [a building in the middle of a parking lot, looking nice, but silent.] It's a new beginning for us! [takes out the key to the building and goes to the front doors to open the store up. The others follow.]
Shelly	[staying by the car] I don't wanna go in there.
Randy	Shelly come on!
	Blockbuster Video. The store is dark. A mouse runs past as the camera pans from left to right. Randy opens the door and they all enter. Randy flips on the switches.
Randy	Can you believe it? Completely turnkey! [walks towards the shelves while his family stays by the front doors.] Yo got your sci-fi, comedies, buddy flicks, chick flicks, all on Blu-ray or DVD! [returns] Well, what do you think?
Stan	It's awesome. You should try to get it on that Ancient Civilizations show so that people can see how cultures used to live.
Randy	Oh hahahaha, I get it. Blockbuster is so out of date it's ancient. Haha Sharon, okay I get it.
Sharon	I didn't say anything.
Randy	You were thinking it. But you're wrong. The average person still wants to rent movies they can hold in their hands. We're gonna have customers up our ass Sharon, UP OUR ASS.
	FRIDAY
	Randy waits behind the counter for his first customer. Sharon is reading a book, Stan is watching something on his iPad, and Shelly is sorting the DVDs out.
Randy	How many uh, how many copies of Meet The Fockers do we have in stock, Shelly?
Shelly	Six. [picks up another DVD from a stack] We still, have, SIX. [turns and puts it on a shelf with more copies of the DVD]
Randy	Okay good, that's... that should that should be good... Shelly.
	SATURDAY
	There's still no business at the store. A red rubber ball bounces towards the front door
Boy	Go get it, Fillmore! [the boys are on a low cliff across the street.]
Fillmore	No way, I ain't goin' neer that place. Yeeeyou go get it. [they panic as the front door opens. Randy picks up the ball and sees them]
Randy	Hey, you kids lookin' to rent some DVDs?
Boy	What's he talkin' about rentin' a divadee?
Randy	[annoyed] Oh I get it. Blockbuster's so old it's creepy! Haha! Nobody rents movies anymore! [raises his arms as if to grab something] People just don't know we're open yet!
Fillmore and Friend	AAAAAH! [turn right and run off]
Randy	[throws the ball back across the street.] Little fucking pricks. [goes back inside and closes the door.]
	TUESDAY
	Randy walks through the store until he passes an aisle with a woman in it, then steps back and approaches her
Randy	Hello, welcome to Blockbuster! [the shopper looks through the TV series boxed sets] Can I help you find something?
Shopper	I can't find... [turns her head to face Randy] Turner & Hooch. [turns back to the videos] Where's Turner & Hooch?
Randy	Oh, ah, I believe we have that over in the uh-
Shopper	Aahh... [her voice echoes as she dissolves into thin air]
Randy	[stunned, then annoyed] Oh. Oh I get it! [looks heavenward] Video stores are so old they have ghosts in them! Okay, thanks! I get it! But you're wrong!
Ghost	[floats by] Emily? [turns into the aisle where the woman was] Emily, the war is over! Let's go rent a movie at Blockbuster!
Randy	Hahaha, haha! You can be a spooky ghost all you want, it wasn't a stupid idea to buy this place!
Ghost	The hounds are calling, Emily. Let's rent something now! [floats past Randy]
Randy	I'll have you know that Netflix, Hulu, and Crackle still don't make the money Blockbuster does! Streaming movies is not for everyone!
Ghost	[turns around and looks at Randy] The hounds, Emily! The hounds!
Randy	Go ahead! All you want, bro! All you want! It was a great idea, but no! Everyone just wants to prove that Rrrandy's gone crazy! [sticks his tongue out and makes noises at him] "Oh don't mind Randy, he's just losing his mind!" [Stan, who doesn't see the ghost, watches from a distance] Drrrr! You know what? Fuck you and Emily!
Stan	[turns and walks to Sharon, who's at the counter looking up things on the ancient CRT monitor] I think something might be wrong with Dad?
Sharon	Ya think? [Stan glances up at her]
	WEDNESDAY
	HALLOWEEN. It's sunset and kids and their parents are out trick-or-treating. Butters and Jimmy run into Cartman and Kenny, who are not in costume
Butters	Oh hey Eric and Kenny. You guys don't have costumes?
Cartman	We're actually on our way over to Kyle's because our costumes are so multi-faceted and cool we have to put them on together.
Kenny	(Yeah.)
Cartman	Uhhh what are you supposed to be, Butters?
Butters	I'm a wereprechaun. You know, a leprechaun that's been bitten by a werewolf. And Jimmy's Gangnam Style.
Jimmy	Wop. Wop, Wop wop, Wopwop Gangnam Style. [grins]
Cartman	Yyeah, really cool, guys. You'll be some stiff compettion at the costume contest for sure.
Butters	Come on! What are you guys goin' as?
Cartman	[walks off with Kenny] You'll just have to wait and see.
	Blockbuster, at that moment. Sharon dresses Stan up as Captain America while Shelly reads a magazine behind the counter
Sharon	I think that's good. Feel tight enough?
Stan	Yeah, it's awesome! Thanks, Mom.
Sharon	Let's see the shield.
Stan	[takes up the shield and strikes a pose] Put down the blue orby thing, Red Skull!
Sharon	[claps] Yehay!
Randy	[arrives] Hey, whoa, what are you doing?
Sharon	Stan's about to go out with his friends.
Randy	Nono, I need everybody tonight! [Stan loses his enthusiasm] It's our big night!
Sharon	For what?!
Randy	Agh! It's Halloween! Everyone rents scary movies on Halloween! I'm sorry Stanley, but I need your help here!
Shelly	God I hate this family!
Sharon	Randy, let him go trick-or-treating.
Randy	[walks over to some end display] You guys don't understand. We're doing a big Halloween promotion! I've put up flyers and I've got apple-bobbing [a cauldron full of them] and candy corn [in a display case]. This is the night we turn it all around.
Stan	[disappointed] Dad, nobody's gonna come.
Randy	Oho you'll see! I'm sorry, Stan, but in about thirty minutes this place is gonna be swamped with people trying to rent DVDs!
Stan	Renting DVDs is more ancient than Madonna's boobs!
Randy	Ew! [turns right and walks away] That's enough, Stanley! Ew, gross!
Stan	[moments later, on the land line] I can't go trick-or-treating! My dad says I have to stay and help with the store! Yes, I'm serious! I know it sucks, Kyle!
Kyle	[dressed as Thor, in his living room] Dude, you can't do this! How can we be the Avengers without Captain America?
Stan	I know, but there's nothing I can do.
Kyle	But what about the costume contest?!
Kenny	[dressed as Iron Man, comes in from the kitchen] What's going on, Kyle?
Kyle	Stan can't come.
Cartman	[dressed as Hulk, comes in from the kitchen] Stan can't come?! But he's fucking Captain America!
Stan	I'm sorry you guys. My dad is doing a big Halloween promotion.
Kyle	Does anybody even go to Blockbuster anymore?
Stan	No dude. Nobody. My dad... he's kind of losing it. To be honest, I feel kind of bad for him.
Randy	[appears from an aisle] Stan, get off the damned phone! People are gonna start callin' to reserve movies! Gau! [goes back into the aisle]
Stan	Oh never mind, I hate him again.
Kyle	Dude, you can't miss Halloween! You have your iPad?
Stan	Yeah.
Kyle	Okay, I'm gonna go grab mine. I have an idea.
	The neighborhood, later. Kyle pulls a skateboard along on which his iPad is mounted, and Stan is shown on the iPad
Kyle	All right, where should we trick-or-treat first?
Stan	How about we try the Barkers? Oh, no, it looks like they're not home.
Cartman	This is fucking ridiculous! We've been planning this Halloween for two months, and Stan has to go and ruin it!
Kyle	He looks fine.
Stan	Oh, let's go to the Petersons' house.
Cartman	Yeah, he looks totally fine, except that when we walk up to a house, people are gonna be like, "Oh wow, it's the Avengers, and some Captain FaceTime skateboard guy!" [they head for a house to their left. Kenny rings the bell. A man opens the door holding a bowl of candy.]
The boys	Trick or treat.
Stan	Trick or treat.
Man 1	Oh wuhow! Look honey, it's Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, and Bruce Vilanch. [Each of the boys (except Stan) make a pose when their respective costumes are said]
Cartman	[dropping his pose] I'm not Bruce Vilanch!
Man 1	Oh, what are you supposed to be? Oh [snaps his fingers] oh, right. You're supposed to be that um... uhhh... [puts his left hand to his head]
Cartman	The Incredible...
Man 1	Right right, the incredibly Chaz Bono. Remember honey? Dancing with the Stars? The fat transsexual?
Woman 1	[raises her palms up, then rests them on her legs] Ohhh, cute!
Cartman	No not Chaz Bono! Do you see my skin?! I'm green!
Woman 1	[quick gasp] The incredible Harvey Fierstein?
Man 1	Nnoo, Harvey Fierstein's just gay and fat, honey. He's not green.
Cartman	The person I'm dressed as is not fat, and not gay!
Man 1	The incredibly fat and gay skinny straight man?
Cartman	[loses his cool and shuts his eyes] JUST GIVE US SOME FUCKING CANDY! [moments later they're on to the next house] It's Stan's stupid Captain America costume! That's what's throwing everybody off! How are people supposed to get that I'm the Hulk when Captain America is on freaking FaceTime?! [Kenny rings the door bell. A man opens the door holding a bowl of candy.]
Kenny	Trick or treat.
Man 2	Ohh wow, it's the Avengers!
Cartman	That's right!
Man 2	Oho, and Honey Boo Boo! [Cartman glares at him. The man looks back inside the house] Kids, come see the green Honey Boo Boo costume!
	The sidewalk across from Blockbuster, Halloween night. A couple walks along laughing over something
Girlfriend	Oh, it's getting colder out.
Boyfriend	Yeah, you can definitely tell that winter's coming. [the woman glances to her right, then turns her head to the right. They both stop walking] What's the matter?
Girlfriend	That old creepy place. I saw someone in the window there. [as they look, Randy appears at one of the windows and beckons them to come in. Then he holds up a HALF OFF sign and shakes it a bit]
Boyfriend	Come on, let's get out of here. [puts his arm around her shoulders. They hurry off.]
Randy	[sighs and throws down the sign in frustration] They'll come! [walks off slowly and his voice gets deeper] Sooner or later! They'll have to come!
	Blockbuster, maybe an hour later. The store is fully lit, but there's still no business. There's more snow on the parking lot so that it's almost fully covered. Randy's anger has solidified into a slumped angry walk as he wanders the aisles, grunting and spazzing every once in a while. He stops to fix some DVDs that are out of place, then walks to the candy display under glass in the counter
Randy	[closes his eyes and sobs a bit] Wuhy? Why isn't anyone showing up?! [uncovers his eyes and moves his palms down to his cheeks] It's Halloween night! People should be renting spooky movies! [places his hands on the counter] What's happened to the world? Things used to be so simple. [notices something and pounds the glass] Good evening, fine sir! I would like to rent a movie!
Ghost 2	[a former Blockbuster employee] Of course, Mr. Marsh. What'll it be?
Randy	I'll take a DVD of Robocop 2 and the director's cut of Blade Runner.
Ghost 2	Coming right up. [goes to retrieve the videos]
Randy	No place like the video store, eh, my friend? Convenience at its peak.
Ghost 2	[types in the order] Your son and wife don't seem to quite agree with you about the video store. In fact, your son seems to think video stores are... as ancient as Madonna's boobs?
Randy	He's a... he's a very... progressive... little boy. Gets it from his mother.
Ghost 2	If I may say so, Mr. Marsh, your Blockbuster will never get any customers with those two Negative Nancys sabotaging you. You may need to do something... rather extreme. [more sinister] If I may say so, Mr. Marsh. [Randy looks at him, then at Stan, who is off in a corner looking at his iPad.]
Stan	Trick or treat.
Ghost 2	You are the owner of Blockbuster, Mr. Marsh. [Randy feels the pressure and resists it] You must be willing to do anything.
Randy	No! No I won't do it! Leave him out of this! He's just a little boy! [notices Stan looking at him] Hey Stan. [turns and walks away]
	Another neighborhood, night. The boys continue their trick-or-treating.
Kyle	We still have an hour before the costume contest, so let's hit the house on the uh-
Cartman	Dude dude dude! Check it out. [points to something across the street... a robbery in progress. One robber is outside a Kum & Go minimart. He breaks a surveillance camera with a crowbar, then jimmies the door open and goes in]
Stan	What? What's he doing?
Kyle	Somebody's breaking into that Kum & Go.
Cartman	[turns around] You guys, we've gotta stop it!
Kyle	[turns around] Yeah dude! We are the Avengers!
Stan	Hey, where did you guys go?
Kyle	[turns his skateboard around] Oh, sorry dude.
Stan	All right Avengers, what say we take this scumbag down?!
Kenny	Stan and Kyle, you take the back entrance. Cartman and I will block him from the side.
Cartman	Cartman SMASH! [they turn around and go into action]
	Kum & Go, inside. The robbers get to work
Robber 1	All right, the camera's out. Hurry up, you two! [the other two robbers are trying to break into a Red Box rental box. They succeed, and some change falls out]
Robber 2	What the? You told me these things were full of money!
Robber 3	It's Halloween. I thought everyone would be renting spooky movies. [the boys break into the store, with Cartman acting like a rampaging Hulk]
Kyle	[holds up his sledge hammer] For Odin! For Asgard!
Robber 4	Who are you?!
Cartman	[roars some more, then] Oh crap, there's a bunch of them. Never mind. [walks to the counter and sees a dead clerk slumped over the counter] Holy shit, they shot this guy!
Kyle	Oh my God!
Kenny	Dude, fuck this. Let's bail! [the boys head out the front door with the robbers in hot pursuit]
Robber 4	Get 'em!
	Blockbuster, at that moment. Sharon is on the land line with someone
Sharon	Oh my gosh, that's so cute. And so what is little Monica wearing? Oho, I bet she's adorable. [Randy rises up from behind the bargain bin] No, we've just sort of been here for the most part. Yeah, are you guys staying in? [Randy slides to his right and out of view] You're watching The Thing? Oh that's fun. On Netflix or Hulu? On your Xbox, uh huh. Yeah, no, at some point I'm hoping we can just call it a night and go home. [Randy appears from the right side of the store, way in the back, then disappears again] No, you don't need to send help. Thanks, though. Are you guys getting a lot of trick-or-treaters? Yeah? Oh really? [Randy reappears from the left side of the store, right behind Sharon] Oh, Barbara and Michael? Oh yeah. Uh huh. Ha-hang on a second Karen. [covers the mic and turns to Randy] Can I help you with something?
Randy	[in a deep falsetto] According to industry experts, many rural areas don't have the bandwidth to support DVD-quality video in streaming services, and won't for years to come, making DVD rentals still the best movie-watching option. [they look at each other for a few seconds]
Sharon	[goes back to her phone call] Sorry, Karen, you were saying? No, it wasn't a customer. No, it's just Randy. [Randy turns around and leaves] Yes, a customer would have been nice, I know.
	Back the the Kum & Go...
Robber 1	God damn it those kids saw us! And you let them get away!
Robber 3	It was the Avengers, Brad! [Robber 2 appears at a doorway]
Robber 2	Hey, we caught one of them. We got him tied up in the back. [hurries to the back, and the other two follow him]
	The back room. Kyle's iPad is strapped to a chair
Robber 1	All right, who were your friends?
Stan	Just let me go! We're nobody! We didn't see anything! I pro-I promise!
Robber 2	He's lying. They saw everything!
Robber 1	Let's try this again. [takes out a switchblade and walks up to the iPad]
Stan	No! Dude, please! This is my best friend's iPad! [the robber scratches the glass, leaving a deep gash] Noo! Okayokay, okay! Their names are Bruce, Tony, and Curt
Robber 4	Hey, one of them dropped this. [a flier] It's an invitation to a Monster Mash at the community center.
Stan	No no! We weren't gonna go there!
Robber 1	[puts away the switchblade and backs off] Sure you weren't! [walks away] Get rid of him!
Stan	NO! [shakes his head] I won't say anything, I promise! [Robbers 2 and 3 take the iPad out to the car]
	The two robbers take the iPad to the side of the road in a desolate place. The trunk pops open and the two robbers look at the iPad
Stan	What are you gonna do? [Robber 3 takes the iPad out and carries it away] Please! Please just let me go! No!
Robber 3	Sorry, kid. End of the line. [throws the iPad into a ditch next to the road. The two robbers get back into the car and drive away]
	Blockbuster, later. Randy has a fixed, angry look on his face as he watches a TV screen. On the screen is Ted, a teddy bear brought to life and now living with his owner as an adult. Ted and his owner share chips and John Adams beer. Over by the counter, Stan tries to make a call, but the cable has been cut in two
Stan	What the hell? [gets off the stool and walks over to Shelly] Shelly I need to use your cell phone.
Shelly	[hurriedly and worriedly looking through her duffel bag and back park] I can't find it, Somebody took it!
Sharon	[coming in from outside the store] All right Randy, where are the car keys?! [gets no answer] Randy, where are the keys to the car?! [still gets no answer. Randy is transfixed] God damn it! [walks away in a huff]
	The desolate place, later. The couple who walked by Blockbuster before are walking along a path. The girlfriend holds on to the boyfriend's arm
Boyfriend	Did you have fun at the Halloween party?
Girlfriend	I did. Thanks so much, Ben. And thanks for walking me home. [she notices something off to her right and stops]
Ben	[the boyfriend] What's the matter?
Girlfriend	What is that? [lets go and walks towards the item]
Ben	Whaht is what?
Girlfriend	[stops by the iPad] Somebody dumped a... Oh my God, Ben, it's a little boy! [picks up the iPad, which has Stan back onscreen] Hello? [wipes the screen clean] Are you okay? Little boy?[the screen brightens up]
Stan	Huh? Wha? ...Oh, oh hello? Who is that?
Girlfriend	It's okay. Try and stay calm.
Stan	Oh, ah thank God you found me.
Ben	What is he doing way out here?
Stan	You have to get me to my friends! They aren't safe! [Ben and his girl look at each other]
	Park County Police Station, night. The three Avengers are at the station talking to Sgt. Yates
Kyle	And then we ran out of the Kum & Go and these guys, th-they took our friend.
Sgt. Yates	Sounds like you're talking about the Red Box killers. They've murdered over a dozen people trying to get the cash from Red Boxes.
Cartman	Oh my God. You mean they don't know people can stream movies cheaper and more conveniently online?
Sgt. Yates	Apparently not. These are dangerous guys. Do you have any idea where they were headed?
Officer	Sir, there's a kid over at the hospital saying he saw everything.
	Hell's Pass Hospital. Kyle's iPad is on a bed being tended to, and an officer stands by taking a statement from Stan
Stan	They said they were heading to the big party at the community center. You have to stop it. My friends are in trouble.
Kyle	Stan! [leads the other Avengers and the police into Stan's hospital room]
Stan	Guys, you're okay!
Kyle	What happened to you?
Stan	It's all right, just a scratch.
Cartman	Hey, this means we can still make the costume contest, you guys!
Stan	No! They're looking for you there! [to Sgt. Yates] Sir, you've got to cancel the Monster Mash.
Sgt. Yates	What?! Are you crazy?! We can't cancel the Monster Mash, it's Halloween Night! It's the Monster Mash's biggest night of the year!
Officer 2	The Monster Mash is only on Halloween. [another officer quickly shushes him]
Kyle	Dude, if these guys are as bad as you say, then we have to do something!
Stan	Yeah, people are gonna get hurt.
Sgt. Yates	How many people at the Monster Mash?
Officer 3	Most of the town, sir. It's a graveyard smash.
Officer 4	Look, whatever we do, we'd better hurry. It gets on in a flash.
Sgt. Yates	You boys say you can identify the Red Box thieves?
Kenny	Yes. We saw their faces.
Sgt. Yates	All right then. We're gonna have to send one of you into the party in disguise.
	The Monster Mash, night. PSY's song, "Gangnam Style", is playing as the town gathers inside the community center, which is decked out for Halloween. Many of the guests are dressed as PSY.
Butters	That sure is a great Gangnam Style costume, Craig. I'm a wereprechaun. You know, a leprechaun that has been bitten by a werewolf. [a giant stops by] Oh wow! Nice costume, Stan. It's Gangnamstein!
Stan	Shhh. Don't say my name, Butters. I'm here undercover.
Butters	Okay, Stan. Enjoy the Monster Mash. [Gangnamstein turns left and runs into a man]
Stan	Oops.
Man 3	Gaaah!
Stan	Hey, be careful in there.
Officer 3	[side the Gangnamstein outfit] Sorry. I can't see a thing in here.
Stan	It's all right. Let's go straight. Now turn left. Okay, now go about ten steps.
A Banana	Wow, Gangnamstein. I wish I'd have thought of that.
	Back at the Blockbuster, Randy now walks around in a limp and hunched over
Randy	Stan?! Daddy wants to have a little talk, Stan! Stanny boy?! I'M COMING! [notices a video and stops] Oh look, Wedding Crashers. [takes it and carries it around, then notices Shelly and stops] What are you doing, Shelly?
Shelly	[sprays some lighter fluid onto some DVDs on a rack, then lights a match] Nothing, Dad. Go back to killing the family. [tosses the match onto the floor]
Randy	Okay. [walks on] STAN! [Shelly squeezes some more lighter fluid onto the racks, which quickly go up in flames.] STANNY BOY, I'M COMIN'!
	The Monster Mash. Mr. Mackey is at the podium dressed as PSY.
Mr. Mackey	Hokay everyone, it's time to start the costume contest. m'kay.
Stan	Wait a minute. There they are!
Mr. Garrison	[turns around] There's who? [the four robbers are shown]
Stan	Listen everybody, those guys right over there are- [some rustling is heard and Randy takes Stan's iPad from him]
Randy	Who are you people?! You aren't real!
Officer 3	Hey hay, I can't see! Where do I go? [begins to walk blindly, and the transformation to Gangnamstein is complete]
Randy	Do you think I'm crazy for buying Blockbuster?! I'll make you pay! Alluh! All! [everyone begins to run out of the community center.] I got a little somethin' for all of you! [takes a golf club from a golfer and starts swinging it around] Run! You'd better run!
	a family watches a movie on an XBox in the living room. Gangnamstein crashes through the front door.
Randy	Waaarg! Look at the people watching movies on their Xbox. Haarrrr!
Family	HAAAAA! [they get off their sofa and run]
Randy	Haarrrr! [walks forward]
	A toddler's room. Two little boys watch a movie on a tablet. Gangnamstein breaks through the bedroom window and the boys hug each other in sheer fright.
Randy	Raaaawr! [falls to the floor, but gets up again]
Filmore and Quaid	AAAAA!
Randy	Streaming Halloween 4! Hahaha!
Filmore and Quaid	[get off the bed and run] AAAAA! [run out of the house, with Gangnamstein behind them] AAAAA!
Randy	AAAAA! [a spotlight shines on Kyle's iPad] AAAAA! [Gangnamstein raises its arms to shield itself from the light. Yates and his officers have arrived and are ready to shoot]
Sgt. Yates	FIRE! [the officers fire away]
Randy	Arrrg! [looks to his left] Hey, what are you doing?!
Stan	[gaining control of his own iPad] It's mine, Dad, get your own! What the hell's going on?! [Officer 3 takes the iPad off and throws it away while he keeps getting shot, and finally falls over dead. The gunfire stops]
Sgt. Yates	We got the sonofabitch!
Officer 5	Wait, wasn't that Peterson in there? [Officer 2 shushes him quickly]
Sgt. Yates	Well, I hope you guys have learned that crime doesn't pay.
Robber 1	Not with the convenience of online streaming it don't.
Butters	Kyle! Kyle! It's Stan! He's dying. [Kyle knows what this means and walks over to his iPad]
Kyle	Stan?
Stan	Hey dude.
Kyle	The judging's almost done. You're gonna make it. [the low battery indicator pops up - 5% remaining] Oh God. [turns to the gathering crowd] SOMEBODY GET ME A CHARGER! [turns back to Stan] Hold on Stan! Don't die on us!
Stan	It's okay Kyle, It's okay. Hit OK. [Kyle does so, and the indicator disappears] You guys go win that costume contest. You can do it. Lift the trophy for me.
Kyle	You're gonna see it. [to the crowd] WILL SOMEBODY GET ME A GOD DAMNED CHARGER?
Stan	Just have a good Halloween, you guys. And Kenny?
Kenny	Yeah, Stan?
Stan	Stay gold. [the iPad runs out of juice and the screen goes black, except for some symbols indicating the iPad needs to be recharged. Cartman roars like Hulk in agony.]
	Blockbuster, midnight. Randy walks out of it in a stupor while flames inside it get bigger. Randy slurs his speech so it's hard to understand
Randy	Stan?! I'm comin'! I'm comin', Stan! [mumbles incoherently again, waving the videos he took with him in anger] Stan! [finally collapses into a snowdrift]
	Blockbuster parking lot, morning. Randy is now frozen and covered in snow. His facial expression has gotten worse. Sharon, Stan, and Shelly arrive some time later
Sharon	I spoke with the insurance company. [the destroyed Blockbuster is shown] They said we can get some of our money back. Not all of it, but some. You wanna go home? Get changed? Take a shower?
Randy	[through frozen lips] No...
Sharon	You wanna just sit here a little more and be frozen?
Randy	Yeah...
Sharon	You want me to bring you some McDonald's?
Randy	Okay...
Sharon	What do you want from McDonald's?
Randy	Chicken nuggets... and fries... sweet and sour sauce... and a Hi-C Orange. [Sharon and the kids turn and walk away. Presumably Sharon has the car keys now. Stan returns and replaces the videos Randy has in his hand with the same movies on his iPad]
End of A Nightmare on Face Time