Turkey Trot

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Script

Extras

"Sora Not Sorry"

"Turkey Trot"

"The Crap Out"

"Turkey Trot"
Episode no.	Season 28 Episode 4
Production no.	2804
Original airdate	November 26, 2025
Episode chronology Previous Next "Sora Not Sorry" "The Crap Out"
List of all South Park episodes

"Turkey Trot" is the fourth episode of Season Twenty-Eight, and the 330th overall episode of South Park. It aired on November 26, 2025.

Synopsis

The town's annual Turkey Trot turns chaotic when Cartman uses questionable cutting-edge science to win the race.

Plot

Spoiler warning! Plot details follow.

At South Park City Hall, the South Park Chamber of Commerce is having a meeting to discuss the upcoming annual Turkey Trot festival at Thanksgiving. Mayor McDaniels expresses concern they have not found a corporate sponsor so far. Skeeter mentions that the town has fallen on hard times, and Randy Marsh mentions that his former business, Tegridy Farms used to sponsor the event but is no longer operating. Alexis Testaburger suggests the City Asian Pop-Up Store but Tuong Lu Kim insists that as his store pays for tariffs, they are in more trouble than anybody else. Randy mentions that businesses are dying and good people have lost their jobs, and Mr. Mackey, now acting as their janitor, appears to collect trash, and Randy attempts a creative basketball-style shot with his trash. Mayor McDaniels expresses the community needs to come together more than ever and the Turkey Trot is the only time a year this is possible. Skeeter mentions that there is someone who might be willing to give the town a bunch of money, who is giving money to everyone else but why not the town. The Mayor agrees that this is the solution. A commercial for the Turkey Trot is shown using stock footage of Thanksgiving celebrations and racing, revealing the sponsor of the race to be Saudi Arabia and that the grand prize is five thousand dollars for the winning team, but that disparaging remarks about the Saudi royal family are not allowed.

During lunch at South Park Elementary, the boys meet up and Stan points out the five thousand dollar prize to Cartman, Kyle and Kenny and Stan points out if anyone deserves the money it's them, and points out all it takes is one member of the team to win to get the money. Stan suggests a larger team to ensure victory, but Kyle points out the prize money will be split further. Cartman says they should keep the team to only four or five people. Stan and Kyle point out they never suggested including Cartman in their team and that he may slow them down, but Cartman insists he is an expert in "race science" and can get them an advantage. In the halls at school, Cartman approaches Tolkien Black and invites him to join the boys' team. Tolkien says he's not a runner and Cartman reassures him and apologizes to Stan and Kyle for the delay, then explains to Tolkien that data shows Tolkien's race always win races. He then points out that it's Thanksgiving and Tolkien should consider running for the "needy", like Stan and Kenny, pointing out Stan has lost his home and that Cartman's analytics guarantee a win if Tolkien is on their team. Tolkien agrees reluctantly.

At the Park County Police Station, Detective Harris and his partner Mitch Murphy, are discussing the upcoming race as well. Harris points out everyone in town will want to race and Mitch suggests he may sign up his family to win the money, but Harris discourages him and points out the police will be busy during the race. An officer says that the White House is calling and urging for the release of Peter Thiel and threatening to send in Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth and the "Department of War" (a renamed Department of Defense). Harris questions who Hegseth is, only for Hegseth to make a grand entrance with two army officers helping him climb down a rope and holding a phone so he can livestream his arrival. Hegseth talks to the camera to declare his intent to infiltrate the police station, then approaches Harris and tells him that the President of the United States is insisting Harris release Thiel immediately. Thiel gloats that he had warned Harris he had powerful friends. Harris, however, insists Totoro still needs to be processed and seen by a judge and there's still the Turkey Trot, so Thiel cannot be released for at least a few days. Hegseth continues to stream himself insisting the Department of War can't be messed with, and Harris tells Hegseth he won't tangle with him, then tells him to look for a secret button in the floor to release prisoners, imploring Hegseth to bend over, after which Harris physically kicks him in the ass. Hegseth dares him to do it again, and Harris then kicks him out of the building entrance.

At the South Park Community Center, a large number of townspeople are registering for the Turkey Trot, enticed by the five thousand dollar reward, including Jimbo and Ned racing with the Kiwanis Gun Club team and Mr. Mackey racing alone. Cartman, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Tolkien are signing up together, but Stan expresses concern about the competition. Cartman points out the Rotary Club won last year and points out Tuong Lu Kim and Wing Han Tsang as the "City Pop-Up" Team, explaining why both teams are not as threat. They are then approached by a team consisting of their female classmates Wendy, Bebe, Red, and Betsy who greet them, with Wendy asking her boyfriend Stan if he is competing. Cartman suggests the four of them will have an "awesome" chance of winning, but Red mentions they have a fifth member and Nichole Daniels appears and waves. Realizing that Nichole is also black and therefore according to his racist beliefs will give them an advantage, Cartman expresses disbelief that they are teaching "race science" to girls.

Pete Hegseth appears in a commercial intro to promote the Department of War, criticizing South Park as a "woke liberal town" that is "defying our government", spliced with footage of him working out and doing pull-ups alongside military tanks and jeeps, declaring he will "kick bubblegum and chew ass" and that he "all out of ass". He claims he will do whatever it takes to do the job, then takes a call on camera from President Trump, who questions if he has recovered Peter Thiel yet. Hegseth expresses that he is encountering resistance and asks for all of the tanks, guns and dues from the Department of War to do so, claiming the local Police are "woke". Trump complains that Hegseth has only had one job, to bring Thiel to the White House, and warns him to actually do something this time and not just create a bunch of streaming content. Hegseth, using a selfie stick, quietly asks his followers to like and subscribe, then promises Trump he will make the town pay. Trump complains to JD Vance that Hegseth is a douchebag, and Hegseth declares that once the full army arrives the next day, they will show Harris that they messed with the wrong guy.

The next morning on Thanksgiving, the whole town is gathered by the City Hall and Towns Square, preparing for the Turkey Trot race, many dressed in autumn or Thanksgiving-themed clothing. A KCBR 5 Reporter is live on the scene, remarking that the whole town is gathered in community with festive costumes. The reporter approaches Police Chief Harris, who tells people to stay hydrated, be responsible for a safe Thanksgiving morning. The reporter then mentions some are turning to "race science", interviewing Cartman, who discusses how some try to deny science, citing those who believe vaccines cause autism, that jet fuel leaves chem trails, but that when it comes to racing, science is science. As the report ends, Cartman returns to Kyle, Stan and Kenny, looking for Tolkien. Stan mentions Tolkien is bowing out of the race for political reasons due to Saudi Arabia's involvement, and a frustrated Cartman then tells the guys to wait for his return. The Mayor thanks the townspeople for showing up and asks them to thank Saudi Arabia for sponsoring it. As the townspeople clap, Pete Hegseth watching rough binoculars declares to the gathered soldiers that they are an "ANTIFA Uprising" and calls it an insurrection, promising it won't stop them from getting their man.

Cartman arrives at Credigree Weed, calling for Tolkien and making his way inside to find Tolkien in his living room playing Arc Raiders. Cartman tells Tolkien the guys have informed him Tolkien isn't racing because it is sponsored by Saudi Arabia, and Tolkien confirms this, saying it "does 't feel right" to do it for Saudi Arabia. Cartman questions him, asking if he disapproves of Saudi Arabia buying American stuff and asks if he would prefer they give Kevin Hart money and cutting people off, saying they are becoming a progressive country and coming into the twenty-first century and urging Tolkien that Saudi money paying for American things is good and claiming if they want to pay for sporting events, they will not be able to pay people to hack up reporters or pay Pete Davidson for his comedy. Tolkien tries to ignore him, complaining he can't see the screen.

Downtown, the townspeople are all lined up to start the race, with many racers expressing preparatory looks at each other. McDaniels fires the starting gun to begin the race, which Hegseth tells his soldiers are "shots fired", making them set up for content and declaring on live video he is being "fired on" and urging people to like and subscribe and claiming the "liberal terrorists" are all screaming and chanting at us as the townspeople begin to race. At the Black Residence, meanwhile, Cartman continues trying to talk to Tolkien, telling him that Saudi Arabia now allows women to drive, calling it a "lesbian utopia". Tolkien asks Cartman to just let him enjoy Thanksgiving, and Cartman insists Tolkien simply wants to let Saudi Arabia chop off gay people's heads and tells him he's being a dick. As Tolkien insists he leave, Cartman then approaches the television and says if Tolkien refuses to embrace Saudi Arabia's willingness to change, they don't need him, and then proceeds to unplug and steal Tolkien's Xbox, racing off the farm and towards town to force him into the race.

Hegseth advises his soldiers with maps and a battle plan, explaining that the racers are moving northeast and that he will need soldiers posted at key points, although rather than presenting a strategic battle plan to actually fight, he simply wants to place the batallions and groups so they may create and post content for him on social media from their battle positions. ICE vehicles then pull up and Kristi Noem steps out, flips her hair, and tries to take over the situation, mentioning she heard there was an insurrection. Hegseth says Homeland Security isn't needed and he can handle the situation, and Noem insists hey will simply assist, before stepping forward and asking people to like and subscribe. Hegseth then insists it's not her content, it's his, and people should be liking and subscribing to Department of War. As the racers pass the Freemont Bridge, Tolkien is now chasing Cartman in the racing crowd, trying to retrieve his Xbox but lagging behind Cartman, who expresses frustration Tolkien hasn't caught up and accusing him of not trying hard enough and telling him to stop "fucking around" when Tolkien insists he's not much of a runner.

As the townspeople continue to run, Homeland Security is scouting from the roof of a building and Noem informs Hegseth that the racers are on the way to their location. Noem, using a sniper rifle, scans through the crowd, before instead shooting a Pomeranian dog. As the townspeople continue to run, Hegseth sits between his soldiers, draws out his selfie stick and declares the Department of War will not be intimidated, urging his men to hold positions and then firing tear gas from a cannon into the crowd, blinding many of them including Stan, Mr. Mackey, Randy, Tolkien and many others, causing them trouble continuing the race. At the finish line, Harris realizes something is wrong. Some of the townspeople try to escape the tear gas by ducking into Tweek Bros. Coffeehouse including Randy, Skeeter, Mackey, Stephen and Linda Stotch, Tuong Lu Kim, Wing and a man in a turkey inflatable costume. Randy questions how they can make it to the end of the race, while Lu Kim and Stephen both argue that their families are in trouble and need the money. Randy simply asks who has a chart mapping the race, which Mackey does, and they try to determine a shortcut route to get past the areas blocked off by Hegseth. They debate which route is most efficient and which may get them disqualified, but Randy reminds them they just have to be sure it is okay with Saudi Arabia, asking the contestant in the turkey costume who admits there's no way to be sure, so he intends to take his chances.

Hegseth broadcasts from a helicopter, declaring he has the "NARCO terrorists" on the run and intends to take them out, sliding down a rope and taking out and beating up a number of contestants in the tear gas, including Timmy Burch, Mackey, Lu Kim and more to the tune of a song called "Pete Hegseth is a Fucking Douche", firing a machine gun and streaming with a selfie stick. Harris and Murphy drive up and confront him, with Harris reminding Hegseth he told him to get the fuck out of his town. Meanwhile in the tear gas, Tolkien confronts Cartman and finally manages to grab his Xbox and take it back. Cartman criticizes him, pointing out Tolkien could've helped make it an awesome Thanksgiving for Stan and Kenny, but that Tolkien only cares about playing games. Tolkien declares directly that just because he is black doesn't mean he runs fast, and Cartman insists he does, but refuses to try because he has trouble with Saudi Arabia joining the global community. Tolkien accuses Cartman of being racist, and Cartman mocks him and again claims all Tolkien wants to do is let Saudi Arabia stuff more journalists into suitcases. Tolkien backs away from Cartman with his Xbox to go home, and Cartman tells him to forget it, only to realize Tolkien is backing into the finish line ribbon and he abruptly switches tone, telling Tolkien he's right and to have a good Thanksgiving and enjoy the holiday with his loved ones. Tolkien angrily insists his holiday will be great because he won't have to deal with Cartman's bullshit, only to break the ribbon behind him, winning the race for Cartman's team. Cartman proudly celebrates "race science".

On stage after the Turkey Trot, Mayor McDaniels invites the Saudi Arabian sponsors on stage to award the grand prize to a visibly annoyed Tolkien and the boys, giving him a giant check to celebrate, and taking photos in front of everyone. Stan is glad the boys have done it. At the Police Station, however, Harris once again kicks Hegseth in the ass repeatedly until Murphy locks Hegseth in a cell with Peter Thiel. Harris then lets the officers know it's time to head home for turkey dinner, and Hegseth declares the President will come for his and Thiel's release, but Harris tells him the Judge will see them on Monday. Hegseth declares that all of South Park will pay for this.