Kristi Noem

Kristi Lynn Arnold Noem is an American politician who is part of Donald Trump's second administration as the Secretary of Homeland Security. She appears in the Season Twenty-Seven episode "Got A Nut".

Background

Kristi first appears in a introduction video for new ICE recruits, among them being Mr. Mackey. In the video, she kills multiple dogs, much to the horror of Mr. Mackey.

She later appears in-person, as ICE raids a Dora the Explorer show, where she ends up killing a service dog. Afterwards, she compliments Mackey for his efforts, but while doing so, her face begins to melt, and she requires the help of stylists to fix her appearance. The same happens again at ICE's raid in Heaven, where she tells Mr. Mackey about the President giving out bonuses for recruits who are standing out. This time her face falls off her head completely and crouches around on the ground, up until her assistants reattach it to her. At the South Park Bank, she then reveals to Mr. Mackey that the President wants to meet him in-person on Mar-a-Lago.

As Trump expresses his wish to have Mackey replace Kristi, because he is freaked out by her face, she confronts Trump after having shot down Krypto the Superdog. For the second time however, her face falls off and becomes sentient, causing mayhem inside the building till it is eventually captured by ICE and, again, reattached to her head.

During the episode credits, she kills all dogs inside a Pets Galore.

Appearance

Kristi wears black boots, lightblue pants, and a black jacket. Additionally she wears an ICE vest and a blue cap with an ICE badge attached to the front. She has long, curly, brown hair. Her lips are unusually big, as a result of plastic surgery.

• Images of Kristi Noem
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  Kristi Noem at the beginning of the orientation video.
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  Kristi shooting at a dog while in the bathtub.
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  Mr. Mackey looking at Kristi while her face melts.
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  Kristi's detatched, sentient face.

Personality

Kristi is incredibly violent. In addition to taking her job as an ICE officer very seriously, she also prioritizes shooting dogs above all else, even if they are service animals or beloved figures such as Krypto. She has no regard for the wellbeing of others, both human and canine.

She can also be prone to an unhealthy amount of jealousy, which can lead to her threatening the lives of others. The wrath of this envy may be pointed at people who rightfully outrank her if they set her back for any reason whatsoever.

One flaw that constantly gets in her way is her obsession with surface level beauty. There is so much Botox in Kristi's face that every so often it completely melts, requiring a whole crew to put her face back together. It reaches the point that the skin on the front of her skull is a being of its own, and if not properly contained it will crawl on the floor and screech like a wild animal.

Prominence

• "Got A Nut" - Debut appearance, is shown as the face of Homeland Security and ICE.
• "The Woman In The Hat" - Takes part in the séance with Melania Trump, during which her face falls off.
• "Turkey Trot" - Comes to South Park with ICE to aide Pete Hegseth, much to his annoyance.

Trivia

• Her reflex to kill any dog she sees references a real-life incident, where Kristi Noem shot her own dog because it was "aggressive" and "untrainable", as she revealed in her memoir.
• Kristi called her portrayal "lazy" on a podcast after the airing of "Got A Nut" and blamed South Park for ripping on women's looks. She then added that she had not seen the episode herself.
  • She later posted an image of herself from the episode on her government X account, alongside a link to ICE's recruitment website. On the image, her face is fully intact, and her eyes were edited to glow red.